Long and Involved Tale of Woe

Hope you can give me some advice. . . I've been with my boyfriend for about 4 months now. It's not a particularly heavy relationship, but is my first proper, monogamous, committed relationship, although I've had a lot of one-nighters and casual relationships up to now. It's taken me seven years and 75 men to find someone special enough to commit to, so you can appreciate just how important this is to me.

My man works in a high-stress managerial job, and has to work all week in London (which he hates), so I only get to see him at weekends. I spend all week just killing time until I get to see him again, which I know I shouldn't do, but I just can't help it. The thing is, when I do get to see him, he is always either so exhausted from work that he just wants to sleep or sit in front of the telly, or he's stroppy and irritable because of the long drive from London, or he's busy getting ready for the next week - doing his laundry, packing, whatever. Basically, what I'm saying is, he's not able to give me much attention.

I generally end up trailing around after him like a spare part while he does his washing and stuff. I've naturally offered to help out, but there's often not much I can really do. He's very often too stressed, tired or busy to go out, have sex or even hold a proper conversation. He is always sweet to me and very apologetic for not being more fun, and I know that he genuinely does feel bad about it. I totally understand and sympathise with him, because I know that he has very little free time and that he does work very, very hard, but it can be really frustrating, because I have a very high sex drive and am a natural attention-seeker and fun-lover.

I always try to reassure him that I don't mind if he's too tired to go out or have sex or whatever, because I know he feels really guilty about it and needs reassurance, and I do understand the situation, but it really depresses me when I wait all week to see him then spend all my time with him either trailing around the house or crashed in front of the telly. However, the bottom line is, I would rather see him under these circumstances than not at all. That's the other problem. . . You see, I'm getting worried that he's going to finish with me - not because he doesn't want to see me, because I'm sure that he does and he does seem to enjoy my company, but simply because he does not have time for a girlfriend.

I mean, it's obvious even to me that he doesn't really have time for a relationship. He's always saying that he feels guilty, because he is being unfair to me. He seems to be getting more and more stressed from work, and it is getting harder and harder for him to make time to see me at all. He has worked hard to be where he is, and, if push comes to shove time-wise, he will certainly dump me before he'll dump any of his work responsibilities - which is fair enough, considering that we've only been going out for four months, but I desperately don't want that to happen. I try not to be a burden on him I avoid calling him too often (although it can be difficult - I miss him so much sometimes), I don't pester him to go out, I help out where I can and try to relax him as much as possible with massages and so on, but I am very aware that his free time is precious, and I am just another thing he has to make time for.

I have told him that I would rather see him like this than not at all, which is definitely true, but it would be nice if we could go out a bit more often, or even just have a bit more'quality time' together. I just don't want to do more than occasionally suggest going out, because the more I go on about it, the more likely he is to end the relationship either because I am being too demanding on his already-slim resources of time and energy, or because he would then feel even more guilty about not being able to see me more often. This causes me a dilemma, because I'm also worried that if I continue to say that it doesn't matter and I don't mind, he will start to take that for granted and stop making the effort - at the moment, at least, he does try.

His work situation is unlikely to change in the immediate future. A secondary problem is that he does weight-lifting, which he has been doing for years and takes very seriously - but he is always full of steroids and protein supplements and God-knows-all-what, which can make him bad-tempered and aggressive, or just plain ill. He never, ever takes this aggression and bad-temper out on me, not remotely, but I do worry about his health, because it is just exhausting him even more than his work already is. He can't be persuaded to stop doing it though, it's like a passion with him.

I don't really want him to stop, because I realise that it's very good for him to have a hobby and to do a sport to take his mind off work, and I certainly appreciate the rock-hard body that results from it (!!), but I can't help feeling irritated sometimes that he spends two hours a day in the gym when he spends so little time with me, and that he's too knackered from lifting weights to have sex!!

So, basically, the question I'm asking is - how can I improve my relationship, without losing him, or losing my mind from frustration? I adore him, and I want to give this relationship the best chance possible, but I don't think I'll manage to go on being so patient forever - I'm not a naturally patient or forgiving person!! By the way, I'm 19 and he's 26. Thanks for reading this long and involved tale of woe!!