Home › In Love or E-Love?

In Love or E-Love?

Submitted by jamie on Mon, 01/18/2010 - 11:52am
in
January 18, 2010

Question

In Love or E-love?

As of Dec. 13th 2009 I have been in contact with the love of my life. There's just one small complication, I met him on a chat site.

We had both logged on because we were bored and we talked for hours before we finally gave out our email/IM addresses. That first night we stayed up until 7 am. I have never felt so connected to another person.

Not long after we spoke on the phone, we both love the others voice and can't get enough of one another. Testimony to this is that after having talked with me for 2 hours we hung up and went to bed, about 5 minutes later my phone rang again. It was him and he said he couldn't go to sleep because he couldn't stop thinking about me and he wanted to talk to me more.

We've had all the tough discussions that most people our age (we are both 18) don't even think about. He's said that he wants to ask for my father's blessing, he wants me to have his kids, and that he'll move to where I am to have a life with me.

I have a couple questions; First, all of this seems like things that real couples never talk about or experience so could this be real?

Second, We've seen pictures of each other and I've only been honest with him, I'm worried that he won't be attracted to my body when he meets me, what can I do?

Signed: wishing this is reality


 


Answer

In your letter I hear two different fears. The first that I will address is your fear that he won't like your body. I suspect that this is not an issue. When a man cares for a woman, his love for her makes her beautiful and her flaws fade away. Your own self-image and lack of confidence is the real issue, not how you actually look. Have you ever noticed a very unattractive and/or grossly overweight woman with a gorgeous man? I have! In all cases, the woman exudes self-love, which is so very attractive. So I would say, your self-esteem could use some boosting!

Just to put your mind at ease, you could consider using video conferencing in order to view each other even before you meet. If you sense that there is something about you that would be unacceptable to him, you can face this up front before you become even more involved.

Regarding your second concern that your relationship with this man isn't real. You said that you've talked about the important questions that many couples never address head-on. I think you're saying that this relationship might, in fact, be real. And, indeed, it just may be.

There is only one problem. Everything is moving far too quickly. Time is the only test that the relationship is real. We need to find out if this relationship will stand the test of time. A good rule of thumb is 6 months to one year. Usually by this point, a couple has ample time to know each other under a variety of circumstances.

The problem here is that you don't live in the same area. So the 6 month interval won't give you a good sense of how you are together on a day to day basis. Even if you meet each other infrequently, your relationship will be an extended honeymoon and you won't be able to judge the relationship as it operates in everyday life.

If possible, have him move close to you so you can test the relationship out under more real circumstances. Make no formal decisions or commitments for at least 6 months to a year.

I'm very much hoping that this relationship stands the test of time. Let me know how you both do.

- Doctor Love

Did you find this article helpful, informative, inspiring?

If so, please help me keep this site alive and growing by spreading the word to others or checking out my books and programs. You can:

  • Share this

Syncrohearts Board Game