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Love or Lust

Submitted by Anonymous on Mon, 10/14/1996 - 8:00pm
October 14, 1996

Question

Hello I 'm having problems with my girlfriend. To begin with she is best friends with my best guy friend. He says that he used to to want to go out with her, but now he doesn't. His reason is that they are good friends and he doesn't want them to break up and lose their friendship. She seams like she wants to go out with him but she doesn't believe he wants to go out with her.

When we are all toghter she acts like she going out with him. She always has her arm around him, or something like that. It feels like my friend still likes her romatically. Then when me and her are alone she is alwys huging me and doing all kinds of great things for me. I can't figure out wheter they are just really good friend, if she wants to go out with him, or what other possilbities.

We have only been going out for a little while, but it feals like I love her. is this a superfical love? I think about her all the time. I right her poems, and always complement her. One, am I coming on too strong, and is it possible to fall in love in such a short amount of time? Thank you


Answer

You ask is it possible to fall in love so fast? You sure can fall in lust overnight. Wbat's tricky is that love and lust look the same in the early stages. So how can you tell the difference? Only time can tell for sure. True, romantic love, like fine wine, takes time. According to research, if you still feel the same as you do now after six months to a year then you're in love not in lust.

I hear in your letter that you also aren't sure about your girlfriend's feelings for you. You don't know if she wants you or your guy friend. There's only one way to find out. Ask her. I know this feels risky. But by not checking with her until later puts you at risk. The longer you are with her, the more attached you become so that if she eventually chooses to date the other guy, you will feel even more hurt than you would if she told you right now. So take a chance and find out where she is coming from.

I hope she decides to date you. . . you sound like a really sensitive guy, capable of lots of feeling. I 'm rooting for you.

- Doctor Love

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