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Lustful in VA

Submitted by Anonymous on Tue, 12/03/2002 - 7:00pm
in
December 3, 2002

Question

I have been married to a wonderful man for nearly 6 months now...He is my one and only love. There is nothing that my husband does not fulfill in my life. However, I am sexually attracted to my husband's best-friend ('Tom').

Here's where it gets wierd--my husband has consented to me having an intimate encounter with Tom. He says only that he trusts both of us fully, and that he wants me to 'experience' another man, since I have not (I lost my virginity to my husband about 6 months prior to our wedding day).

I still have reservations about this encounter...Partially due to the social stigma of 'cheating', regardless of the couples openess, and partially due to the fact that I have this (purely PHYSICAL) attraction to someone so close to the both of us.

In your professional opinion, is this the opportune time to take advantage of such an experience? Any advice is welcome...

Thanks,

Lustful in VA

 


Answer

If there is nothing that your husband doesn't fulfill, why do you want to risk destroying perfection by sleeping with another guy. Opening your legs to this man is opening Pandora's box!

Unless you are a master at separating your mind and heart from your body-- which is not a natural thing to do--you will surely find that you develop some kind of attachment to this other man. If we are totally honest with ourselves (and don't detach, cut-off or deny our true feelings), we have to admit that the sex act is never a purely physical act: there are all kinds of fantasies, expectations, and feelings that accompany the act.

You need to explore your complete reasons for wanting to do this as well as your husband's reasons for being so encouraging. There is so much more to this story than meets the eye, and you and your husband need to understand every angle, conscious and unconscious, before you dive in. Meanwhile, sit on your urges--well not literally--until you see much more clearly into your motives.

- Doctor Love

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