Man Who is Disgusted by Girlfriend's Previous Sexual Activity

Dear Dr. Love, I know that you are a busy person and receives thousands of letters every week. But I still wish that I would get real lucky by getting my letter answered by you in this column. I am thanking you in anticipation for your willingness to spend your time to read my letter and giving me your professional opinion.

Let me introduce myself as a 25 year old man who has been in love with a girl since highschool. She was my first love in highschool, and since we're separated 6 months before graduation ( that 's 6 years ago ) I have never had any love relationship with another woman/girl. Not that I cannot find any, it's just that I simply could not forget her. She was and she is the only one I love all this time, even when we're taking our own paths in the last several years.

For the last 4 years, she's been in a relationship with another man. Early this year, I started making contact again with her, calling her and telling her that I've missed her a lot and that ours deserves a second chance although I knew that she was still with somebody else. In short, she took my love again, and finally she dumped her boyfriend and we started dating again.

Before she made the decision to dump her boyfriend and come back to me, she said something like this: 'Are you sure that you still want me ? Because to tell you the truth, I have done some awful things with my boyfriend, and I am not sure whether you'd still want me if you know the truth. 'And I responded naively by saying something similar to this: 'I don't care about your past, for I am not in love with your past, but with you.' I told her that because in my mind, I didn't think that she would have done things as awful as what she told me later on. I thought what she did with her boyfriend was just kissing, hugging etc, but no further than that.

After a month of new relationship with her, she told me that she wanted to be honest with me about what she had done with her ex boyfriend although she knew that there's a possibility that she might lose me after having told me the truth about her past. She told me that she, voluntarily, had done oral sex with her boyfriend blow job, excuse my language ) several times.

I was so shocked that I didn't know what to say. You see, the thing is that I was born and grew up in Malaysia, a country where virginity and sexual purity is still considered as a sacred thing. I loved her and I still do. I still want to continue our relationship and perhaps one day, propose to her. The thing is, despite how much I want to continue our relationship, I am really not sure that I would be able to, one day, forget and forgive and let go the uneasy feelings of knowing her had done such awful and disgusting things. What am I supposed to do ?

I love her, but everytime I look at her, those awful images of her performing a blow job for another man keeps haunting my mind. And that 's making me so confused and uncomfortable. At times, I even felt so disgust of her. I'm even not sure of whether I would be able to make love with her, once we're married, without those awful images flashing in my mind. What am I supposed to do ?

I really really want to continue our relationship, for I love her so much. It may sound impossible to feel both ways, but that 's just exactly how I feel. I really love her, but I am not sure whether someday I would be able to forget those things and start moving on. (Please do not judge my view of sexual purity, please understand my background that I grew up in a completely different society from the Americans).

Kindest regards.