Man Who is Trying to Talk Your Wife into Swallowing...but She Isn't 'Biting'

The conflict that you are experiencing with your wife is similar to what I call a value conflict. Values, tastes, and preferences are part of a person's make up, which means they are relatively static and not likely to change.

Imagine a couple that is experiencing a financial value conflict. One believes in saving every penny and the other believes in living for now, which includes spending all his money. Both partner's values are the result of upbringing and other experiences during their formative years. By the time these two people are adults, their values have become part of the fabric of their being.

Neither partner's values are wrong or right. They are simply different. Problems arise when two people's values differ greatly. I suspect that you and your wife have always had a sexual value conflict, but that the problem didn't rear its head until recently, when your sex drive went into overdrive and you started looking around for new forms of stimulation.

The best way to handle the conflict is to speak openly with your wife. Don't come at her with the intention of forcing her to modify her values. Speak to her with consideration and respect and ask her to explain how she feels about these acts (swallowing your semen and engaging in anal intercourse).

As you talk, you will understand more about where she's coming from--no pun intended. The open, non-pressured discussion may reveal all kinds of things that surprise you.

For example, I worked with a couple in which the man refused to give his wife oral sex. At first I thought that theirs was a value conflict, but soon discovered that the wife didn't bathe before oral sex and her husband felt turned off by that. Having her bathe before oral sex cured their problem. So, find out the source of her hesitation, and see if there is a way to resolve it.

Who knows, maybe she doesn't like the taste of semen and having a juice at her bedside is all that's needed. As for anal sex, again, we don't know what her hesitation is. We don't know if her hesitation is due to her values--that she believes the act is wrong--or whether her reluctance is more interpersonal in nature. Perhaps she is afraid to feel degraded by engaging in the act or perhaps she will feel violated by you.

Talking will help clarify the exact nature of her reluctance. Since you seem to have a good marriage, and you seem to make each other happy in other areas, I am sure that the two of you can work together at finding an arrangement that respects both your values, tastes, and preferences. If you need me to help you navigate the discussion, we can certainly have a private phone consultation.