Man Whose Girlfriends Lose Interest

January 12, 1998

Question

Hi Dr Love My name is Curt I am in good physical health, sense of humor, college educated. I own my own house, 2 cars, nice furniture and I have an excellent job. I am also considered attractive, BUT I have the hardest time meeting nice women. I have gone to singles bars, church groups, personals, dating services, and even the internet to try to meet someone nice. Everytime I DO get involved with someone. They seem to lose interest. I am clean cut, and don't feel like I have any personality flaws. I am at my wit's end trying to figure out why I am not accepted by women who I am attracted to. Any Suggestion?


Answer

This is a mystery. The best way to solve it is to ask the women you are dating, as soon as you sense that they are becoming restless or disinterested to talk to you about why they are feeling that way. You might say, "I am getting the feeling that you are losing interest in me and the relationship. Am I right?" If she say yes, then ask her to tell you what you are doing wrong. Be open to feedback. You will be amazed at what you hear. Oftentimes boredom or disinterest covers anger. In other words, it is possible that these women become angry and don't feel welcome to tell you. Then, they become bored and dump you. Other possibilities. Have you checked out your own level of ambivalence ( mixed feelings) regarding relationships. Are you sure that you really want to maintain a long-term relationship? Sometimes we have feelings inside ourselves and send out signals to others without knowing it. Could you be sending out messages that you don't wish to continue? So, check out with your next girl and look inside to see whether you are the one who grows antsy and bored. Lots of luck.

- Doctor Love


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