Married Lady Who is Guilty Over Her Attraction to Another Man

You are beating yourself to a bloody pulp because you have desire for another man. But, you seem to forget that you haven't acted on your desires.

You have done nothing wrong. You never cheated on your mate, but still you crucify yourself! I think you need to bone up on the difference between feeling and acting. Humans are filled with all sorts of irrational and uncontrollable thoughts, feelings and fantasies. If we try to subject these thoughts to reason, or attempt to harnass or extinguish them, we can go literally insane. So, for goodness sake, recognize the universal and essential function of feeling all your feelings, and stop indicting yourself.

You are on the right track when you say you need to understand. This is where your energy needs to be placed. In fact, whenever a married or commited person has strong feelings for someone else, his or her mind is sending vital information that needs to be decoded.

What is this crush telling you?

As a first clue, notice that you mentioned, in passing, that your husband has had three affairs during your marriage. I couldn't help but observe that you were rather cool when you presented that fact. I have seen how passionate your feelings are, and I can't help but wonder why you sound so cool about your husband's behavior. Is it possible that you suffer such strong feelings of hurt and anger that you have buried these feelings alive in order to 'cope.' You may say that you have already grieved over your mate's betrayals and the feelings are resolved. I highly doubt that you are over his hurtful actions. I think you need to ask yourself how you really feel about what your husband did. Once you know, you will have a clue as to why you have fallen for this other man.

I sense that this crush performs a vital and life saving function for you--I think your mind has allowed you to succumb to this other man in an effort to deal with the pain over your husband's betrayals.

Your task is to figure out what you hope to gain by having a relationship with the other man. Do you see him as a person that you can trust more than your hubby?; Does your mind believe that if you had an affair that it would ease your hurt over what your husband did to you?

In order to answer my above questions, you must figure out how you feel about your husband's previous betrayals; how you feel about your husband now; do you really trust him, etc.; what emotional needs do you think this man can satisfy that your husband can't; and how does your unconscious mind imagine that this affair could heal your wounds.

Mind you, I'm not telling you to have this affair. All I'm saying is, use this crush as a psychological messenger. Be thankful that it has arrived and use this opportunity to learn and grow. As painful as this experience is, if you can stop punishing yourself, you will find that it is actually a gift in disguise which invites you to embrace yourself and your true needs.

Please let me know what your self-inquiry yields. I am interested.