Is My Girlfriend Lying To Me?

You ask how can you make your girlfriend tell you the truth: You can't. I'm not saying that only 'you' can't. No one can make a person do anything she doesn't wish to do. And, the more you try to push her, the more she will dig her heels.

So, my advice to you is this: break the power struggle by saying, 'I have the feeling that you are afraid to tell me what's going on in your life. Maybe you think I'll be angry or won't want you anymore, which isn't true. I've decided not to probe anymore. Whenever you're ready, you can let me know what's going on in your life. '

I think I should tell you that I have the impression that the struggle you are having with this girl replays an earlier, childhood wound of yours. If you are interested in figuring out what that wound is, then ask yourself: Why am I drawn to someone that lies to me? We have a clue to the answer in your remark: 'I tried to ignore the signs that she is lying. . . ' This sentence says you know she is lying but want to pretend that she isn't . Do you know why your mind wants to itself out of what it knows is the truth?

Think back, and I suspect you will recall experiences during your childhood in which one or both of your parents lied to you, didn't keep their word or double talked. If I am correct, you hoped against hope that one day they would finally be honest or come through. And, because their behavior hurt you so much, you tried to make the pain go away by ignoring reality. But, no matter how much you hoped for better or ignored reality, this person continued to snow you, just like this girl does.

Unfortunately, as with all repetitions, our minds choose people who are damaged in exactly the same ways that our parents were, so that we never can obtain the better outcome we desperately desire. In this case, it sounds like this girl is a liar and no matter how much you hope and pretend, she is still not going to be any more truthful with you than the person who let you down when you were young. You can't make a leopard change its spots and you can't make a liar stop speaking with forked tongue.

I'm sorry. I know how strong the wish is to rewrite history with a happy ending. The only way any of us can rewrite our histories with that better ending is to consciously choose people who are different from the parents that disappointed us. When you are ready to choose a healthier partner, then you will have the feeling of safety and trust that you so desperately desire and deserve.