Nervous about Having Intercourse with a Virgin

Your letter sounds like you are preparing for a school test--or maybe an oral examination! Seriously, you are getting very worked up over an experience that should be all about enjoying and connecting.

In fact, you are engaging or about to engage in a no no that's called 'spectatorism' in which you are watching yourself and her as a spectator would, instead of immersing yourself in the experience and going with the flow.

Forget about rules and preparation. You need to tune in to her, communicate with her, and respond to her signals. Don't ask me what she expects, ask her before your first experience and then check in with her while you're making love to her.

What she will want from you on her first time is what every woman wants. She wants to feel embraced by someone who loves and cherishes her and conveys that feeling through his lovemaking. Take time for foreplay, and when she's very lubricated and ready, that's the time to have intercourse.

Most virgins have lost their hymens long before their first intercourse experience (through tampon use and exercise), so don't expect a big blood bath or a painful experience for her. Follow her lead when you're inside her and do your thing. If she comes fine, if she doesn't that's fine too. Remember that 50% of all women, including sexually experienced women don't ever orgasm in intercourse.

Above all, beware of turning your love life into the sex olympics. Your sex life shouldn't be about keeping score on whether or not one or both of you come. Just connect to her and love her and the rest will fall into place as it has since the beginning of time.