Nice Guys Don't Have to Finish Last

Your beloved is attracted to men who mistreat her and don't reciprocate her love. She says that she longs for a nice man, but in reality this is the last thing she really wants. If she wanted a nice guy, all she'd have to do is to start dating you.

What is so fascinating about your letter is the fact that you are suffering from the same problem that she is. She wants what she can't have and so do you. There are plenty of women out there who want a guy who can give to them on all levels. Such women would welcome you with open arms. Instead you are hooked on someone who isn't available to you!

So when you understand why you are in this spot, you will have the answer to why she isn't able to form a relationship with you. You are locked in a repetition compulsion, which is an unconscious mechanism. Here's what it is in a nutshell. If you were deprived of love during childhood, had a parent who mistreated you, never reciprocated your love, etc. you would be left with a terrible wound and a great yearning to rewrite your childhood with a happier ending: the happy ending being that you will finally feel loved. How does the unconscious go about trying to achieve this happy ending? By choosing a lover or spouse who emotionally resembles the parent who let you down (that 's the repetition).

The fantasy is that if you can get your lover to treat you the way you always wished your parent would, that the wound will be magically healed. But, because the lover is like your parent, you don't end up getting any better treatment than you did as a kid. You feel empty, frustrated, mistreated, but you stick around hoping that one day you will finally succeed (that 's the compulsion). Now that you get the theory, you can go a step farther and figure out who wounded you and in what way. Next, see how the relationship with this girl recreates the relationship with that parent. Then, figure out your happy ending. Last but not least, ask yourself if there is any hope that his woman can ever be available to you no matter how'good' and caretaking you are.

I have shown you the path to healing yourself. When you break free, you will find a woman who is ready to receive your love.