Home › Not Happy with Your Sex Life

Not Happy with Your Sex Life

Submitted by Anonymous on Wed, 09/25/2002 - 8:00pm
in
September 25, 2002

Question

I would like to ask you about a situation that I have been in for some time now. If you can help it would be really appreciated. I have been in a relationship for almost 8 years now and I love my girlfriend very much but there is a few problems.

First I am not very happy any more especially with our sex life. We used to make love several times a week any place or any time. Now I am lucky if we have sex once a month.

I have talked to her about it time and again and have even purchased some books to read and give me some insites but to no prevail. It is always the same excuses, Tired, Don't feel like it, pretty much any excuse she can think of. Also she is constantly giving me attitudes and snapping at me with wise comments.

I think she is happy with me, we have always had good times and I try to do all I can to make our relationship fun and exciting but nothing is working. I think about leaving her everyday but my love for her makes it hard to do anything about it.

I thought we would get married but I don't know anymore. I know you probably get a lot of these but any advice would help.

Thanks,

Jay.


Answer

Your problem is complicated because your girlfriend's lack of sexual interest can be caused by many different factors. I would explore two avenues: first, I wonder if your girlfriend is depressed. I say this because lack of sex drive and irritability (she snaps at you) can be symptoms of depression.

The second avenue I would address is the relationship itself. If your girlfriend is snapping at you and doesn't want to be with you sexually, there is a good chance that she is angry with you. Instead of telling you directly what is bothering her, her anger is coming out sideways with snappy, wise comments.

When people don't put their anger into words (meaning constructive dialogue) it invariably comes out in all the wrong ways, such as verbal jabs, periodic explosions or withholding actions--such as refusing sex.

In order to end these unpleasant behaviors, you need to get her talking. The next time she snaps, say to her,'You sound angry with me and I wonder what I said or did to get your back up.' Once you get her discussing what is infuriating her, you will see that the sideways verbal smacks will stop.

In addition, when her anger diminishes, she will surely want to have more sex (assuming that there isn't something else wrong with her health or mood).

- Doctor Love

Did you find this article helpful, informative, inspiring?

If so, please help me keep this site alive and growing by spreading the word to others or checking out my books and programs. You can:

  • Share this

Get Your Ex Back With Dr. Love's Relationship Rescue Kit Syncrohearts Board Game