Not Sure Where or How to Begin

I totally understand your hesitation to trust your husband. The best place to begin is exactly where you are. You need to tell him that you feel unable to trust him.

During the many discussions that you are both going to have on this subject, you are going to need to turn your relationship inside out: study what works and doesn't work for both of you; what you are both doing to make the connection work and not work for each of you; and last but not least, he needs to understand why he cheated.

There is always an element of aggression that is being expressed when a partner cheats on the other. He needs to tell you in words, not through a payback like cheating, what it is that you are doing that is driving him away, and what could you do to make him feel happier. Your husband is going to need to learn better communication skills so that when he becomes angry with you in the future that he talks to you, rather than pulls away and cheats.

Before you can trust him, you are going to need to be sure that he has resolved his end of the problem (poor communication of negative feelings) and that the marriage is working better. You are going to need to be quite convinced that he and the relationship is very different before you can start trusting him again. If you need help, then have a marriage counselor guide your discussions. Let me know what you discover and how you make out.