Patiently

Dr Love,

Thank you for the work you do, and the insight you provide. I know when I have a question or issue, I can ask you, or search your archives and find some measure of satisfaction.

Last Fall, I took a Death, Dying, and Grieving class at a local university. One of the requirements of the class was for each student to give a presentation on some aspect of grieving, or death. There was a young, attractive woman in the class; we had no contact for the entire semester, and then on the last day of class she gave a very personal presentation on a sexual assault that happened to her sister.

As a result of the incident, she went to work at that same university as a sexual assault counselor. I was moved and floored, and found the measure of her character and person to be exemplary, given the evidence of how this event had changed her life. That night, I wrote her an email saying how moved I was by her presentation. We exchanged several emails, and I went by to ask her out for dinner before the holidays.

She agreed, but then offered that it was too hectic a time right before Christmas. I picked up with her after the New Year and again inquired about going out. After a lengthy hesitation, she said she had a boyfriend. I wasn't sure to believe her, but left it at that and said I hoped we could be friends. She said she would be delighted and we've kept in touch ever since.

I am in the military, and there is a chance I will deploy in support of the current world situation. I told her that if I did leave, I was hoping to get her address before I did, and she replied she wouldn't let me leave without it. I get the feeling from these and other incidents (she came back to that same class THIS semester to watch me give my presentation again after the professor asked me to come back) that there is a genuine interest between us, but have begun to wonder if she isn't reserved because of what happened to her sister. She seems incredibly mature, polite, and thoughtful.

Clearly the impact of the assault has altered her life. Am I reading too much into this, or am I dealing with someone highly sensitive to personal relationships? There seems to be almost a cycle where she is open to conversation, inquiring about things and revealing things about herself. When I reciprocate, she seems to become tentative and withdrawn.

I recently asked her out with a week's notice and when she said she was going to be out of town, she followed it immediately by asking if I was going to take a 'hot date' to the function I was attending. Is she just flirting, or trying to determine my sincerity and intentions? Thanks for your time. Patiently