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Problem Getting an Erection

Submitted by Anonymous on Tue, 07/10/2001 - 8:00pm
in
July 10, 2001

Question

Dear Dr. Love,

I am an 18 year old guy who is worried about an erectile dysfunction. I just lost my virginity a few days ago and i had a problem doing so. I have known the girl for at least five years now but never had any real feelings for her, although she as liked me or the past five years. J

ust recently (2 months ago) her friend convinced me to go out with her on a few dates and give her a try, so I accepted. So we have been seeing each other for a couple months and we got into bed the other night and we went through the whole routine of foreplay and when it came time for penetration I couldn't get an erection, I tried everything playing with it, more foreplay and still nothing. 

so then we decided to carry on the deed to the next night and still I couldn't achieve an erection although i did get a hard on when proforming oral sex on her but lost it while getting involved in the oral sex. She finally helped me stop worrying about my problem of no erection and I got just hard enough to penetrate a little bit.

She was a virgin also and I am worried that the next time I try and have sex with her I will have the same problem. I have never had a problem getting a hard on in the past, that is when I am with myself.

Pless help! I know it may be anxiety from worrying about it but I am worried about a medical condition also.

Thanks for your time.


Answer

I am sure that you don't have a medical problem. The fact that you can get hard when you are alone tells us that the plumbing works just fine. So chill on that score. If I had to guess why you didn't get hard with this woman I would have to say that there is probably more than one culprit.

First, losing your virginity is stressful and stress chemicals interfere with erectile funtion. I also have the impression that you weren't particularly attracted to this girl. If you notice the wording in your letter,'her friend convinced me to go out with her, and I went through the whole routine of foreplay.'

You sound like the entire experience of becoming involved and having sex with this girl is happening against your will and that it is a great chore. These feelings are a great turn off for the body. You need to understand why you are speaking this way. Do you see being with this girl as a chore or is being with any girl a chore?

If your lack of enthusiam relates to this girl alone, then you need to ask yourself why you are willing to date a girl for whom you have no feelings. If your feeling of burden extends to all women, then you need to study your history and see how the feeling relates to your past.

Are you afraid to get close to a woman? Are you chosing to date someone that you don't particularly like in order to keep your distance? Is your body holding using your unerect penis as another distancing tool?

I have given lots to analyze. None of it may fit and you may find that the simplest explanation is the one that is right. You were stressed, not very attracted to this girl, and nothing more. From here on out, don't label yourself as defective and worry yourself into a full-blown case of erectile dysfunction.

You need to view the problem as situational and fleeting. Relax and have sex with someone you really like and you should be fine.

- Doctor Love

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