She Loves You as a Friend

I am sorry to hear what's happening to you. It is so heartbreaking to have a relationship end when you still love the other person. The problem here is that it seems like her mind is made up.

What's most upsetting is that she dropped this bomb on you without warning. I am sure that her feelings didn't change overnight and she should have been sharing with you all along what was going on inside her. You were clued in only at the end of her process, after she had made a one side decision to end it. Making one sided decisions is a serious relationship violation.

So, I guess I'm wondering why you aren't angry with her. Since you don't seem to be in touch with your anger, it's likely that she is also cut off from her own. If this is true, she may have buried angry feelings toward you and buried anger erodes feelings of love and passion.

As a last ditch effort you can ask her if there is something that you said or did (or didn't say or do) that made her angry with you. If she admits that she has been angry, and is willing to talk about it with you, there is a good chance that her love can be awakened again.

You know I recently worked with a couple who had 'lost' their feelings for each other and they were separated and preparing for a divorce. In therapy with me they discovered that behind their indifference was a great deal of anger.

Once they accessed their anger and worked that through their feelings of love and passion ignited practically overnight and they have been back together ever since. I hope, for your sake, that anger is behind her moving away from you.

If you need me to help you talk constructively about any anger or resentment that comes up, don't hesitate to contact me in my private consulting division.