Siamese Twins Separated at Birth

I understand you desperately want to be with your girlfriend every moment of your life. The problem here is that you are expecting a level of connection that isn't realistic.

The fact that you have such an intense need for closeness tells me that you suffered one of two specific childhood wounds. We need to identify and heal this wound so that you will no longer need to cling to your girlfriend. If you don't achieve this healing and you persist in demanding her undivided attention, you will, very likely, end up losing the relationship.

First let me describe the two most common childhood wounds that cause your problem. I'll detail both, then you can see which one fits. Then I'll talk about how to heal the wound.

Excessive clinginess can be caused by having been terribly emotionally neglected or abandoned as a child. The void that results from this deprivation will leave a person feeling emotionally hungry and in need of constant love, connection, and attention. Excessive clinginess can also be caused by having been smothered or overprotected as a child. In this case, the person will remain clingy since he/she never fully separated from his/her parent.

When you determine which of the two scenarios matches your experience, then you will want to dredge up all the memories that apply as well as the feelings that are attached to those memories.

For example, if your parent was possessive, smothering, overprotective, and/or controlling of you, you will have memories in which you tried to pull away and experienced punishment (being given the silent treatment, being guilt tripped, scolded, or ignored) for attempts to separate. Recall how this retaliation felt. Did it frighten you, make you mad?

Now realize that when you attempt to separate from a love object, you will feel the same feelings now that you felt then. If mom or dad made you feel guilty when you tried to separate, you will feel guilty now. Little by little, you will want to allow yourself to do the separating that you needed to do way back when and let yourself feel the feelings that accompany your attempts.

Remind yourself that the feelings are merely ghosts of the past, figments of your imagination. They aren't real now. Your girlfriend will not punish you for giving her space!

If, on the other hand, you are clingy because you were abandoned or neglected as a child, then you need to do inner child healing and reparent the child inside yourself. Talk lovingly to yourself and be there 24/7 for the poor little one inside you.

Only you can do this for yourself. No girlfriend can take the place of your parent. When you accept that you can't expect your girlfriend to be your parent, you will stop chasing after your girlfriend.

Instead, you will take care of yourself and your clinginess toward her will fade away. Paradoxically, clingy people actually drive others away from them; whereas, when you become less clingy and demanding you will find that she actually wants to spend more time with you. You will have more connection with her but this connection will be of a completely different nature.It will be two adults who can stand on their own two feet enjoying sharing time together.

Do the work I recommend and you will see your relationship will improve tremendously.