Sweeping Your Problems under the Rug

I totally understand your problem. You both need to read my book, Till Death Do Us Part (Unless I Kill You First) right away.  As I explain in the book, how you present your problem will make or break your chances of achieving resolution. When angry, most people engage in what I call Fight Traps, which are faulty, dysfunctional fighting tactics that throw oil on the fire and prevent resolution. Name calling, character assaults, blaming, and guilt tripping are just a few of the many Fight Traps.

If you come at someone in an attacking way, the other person becomes defensive and isn't willing to listen to what's bothering you, let alone try to understand and resolve the problem. The first thing you are going to need to learn is how to properly present what's bothering you.

Using my X, Y Formula, which consists of calmly stating what was said or done and how you feel about, followed by your suggestion for the future is the only way to go. You also should know that chronic fighting is almost always fueled by unresolved childhood wounds. In my book, I show how to figure out what specific wounds are wrecking your marriage and then show how you can help each to heal these wounds. When the wounds are healed, much of the fighting will stop.

My book is proven to resolve chronic fighting for over 90% of the couples who use it. So buy the book and put my program to use. You will be fine.