Three Years with No Sex

I'm glad you love the site. Now, let's see what I can do for you.

You need to be asking him all the questions you asked me. Ask him why he thinks that you both aren't having more frequent sex. Is he afraid that he won't get an erection, in other words does he have performance anxiety? Has he always had this problem or did it develop after a failed attempt.

Many men, by the way, become impotent after one failed attempt. This is because when a person is filled with fear, the body switches in the sympathetic mode, which causes the body to secrete hormones and chemicals that make obtaining an erection impossible.

If he says that fear is his problem, then what you need to do is to reassure him that it is fine if he doesn't get hard. Once you remove the pressure, tell him that you just want to enjoy being close to him.

Hug and kiss and give each other lots of foreplay using your hands and mouths. Keep reassuring him that it's fine if he doesn't get hard. Once he relaxes, you will be amazed to find that he does get hard.

If problems still continue, which I don't think they will, then you can go together to a couples therapist to explore the emotional factors that could be causing him to not approach you for sex.

Find out if he's afraid of intimacy. Figure out if he's sexually inhibited or embarrassed. Figure out if he's angry with you and not giving you sex as a payback.

Also discuss what you, yourself, may be getting out of the lack of sex. Sometimes one parter will comply with the other partner's unconscious wishes.

If you have misgivings about sex, he could very well be holding back to meet your own needs. It's deep, I know, but leave no stone unturned.

Let me know how you make out.