Time to Make Your Own Rules

Dr. Love.

Thank you for offering this advice column. I've read many over the years, and hope that you can offer a little to me. I'm a 28 year old woman that has just finished her masters degree away from Alaska, my home state. Before starting my studies, I spent the spring/summer living with my brother in a small Alaskan town.

I met a friend of his who was 3 or 4 months out of a serious relationship (5 years) that ended abruptly (she cheated, left & and later, came back). He is an attorney for the armed services and 8 years my elder. After spending an incredible 2 months with him, he and his ex got back together. I was ok with it and let him do what made him happy. i didn't harbor resentment, even though we had a great connection and friendship.

In February of 2000, after 6 months in grad school away from home, I made a surprise visit home. He had been in D. C. for a month, returned the day after and showed up suddenly at my brother 's place (fortuitous) to announce that his ex had again left him (she had had a baby and gotten married to the father. ) It has been a little over a year since they broke up again. Over Xmas break, I flew home after a month study in Mexico and he was at my parents' house as a guest of my brother. We hung out, as friends.

Later in the spring, he announced that he would come visit me at school but it turned out he had a lifetime opportunity to go to the Virgin Islands, instead. I was supportive ( Portland vs. Virgin islands?!) Besides, we were just friends (with some potential?) Throughout grad school, i was emotionally unavailable. I had no desire to get involved with someone who wasn't from Alaska and wanted to concentrate on my studies.

Well, once I finished and was on my way home to work, I stopped to visit my brother in Juneau and low and behold i met up with the aforementioned. Out of the 9 days I was in town, we spent 7 together. After the first night, he kissed me like i have never been kissed before. It was totally unexpected. The following days were spent watching movies, getting coffee, reading the newspaper, watching hockey, walking his dog, drinking beer, talking about family values, parenting (neither of us has kids), our future, and finally, going to 'adult prom' . All of it was amazing. No pressure, just pure enjoyment.

I'm now working in Anchorage as an administrative intern for the summer and we've planned a few trips in the meantime. Is he for real? Do you see any danger signs? i want to start a family, do i tell him? we seem more than compatible, almost meant to be. We are both very realistic. . . should i run?

I know that a lot of advice columns preach the 'rules'. At this point do i take an active interest or wait to be pursued, I don't want to put on the squeeze but want to act/ say what i feel. . . freely. Like i said, i wasn't expecting this 'magic' so soon, but am totally happy with him. What does this all mean.

I haven't held the flame for him all this time, am not anxious, I just want to know if this all spells a future-healthy-relationship and what steps I can take to preserve it. Thanks for your time. . .