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Tired of Being Unsatisfied

Submitted by Anonymous on Tue, 08/05/2003 - 8:00pm
August 5, 2003

Question

Dear Dr. Love,

My husband and I have been married for almost 13 years now. We used to have great sex, but I have lost interest, lost my desire and cannot get pleasure from sex no matter what the position, how long the lovemaking.

Sex dulled after our first child was born, with only an occasional climax for me - maybe one time out of 10 and began being painful. After the birth of our second child, I developed vaginal dryness - which worsened the problem and while delivering our third and final child, my vagina tore in an upward direction instead of the normal way and I think I may have developed adhesions and maybe some nerve damage because I have rarely had an orgasm in the two years since.

I feel so frustrated and masterbate frequently to elicit an orgasm, but those even takes twice as long to achieve. Over the years, my husband and I have worked through sexual problems with him cumming too fast and now he can last about 35 - 40 minutes minimum, but that has not helped either.

Do you have any suggestions? I have tried Kagel excercises, long foreplay and vibrators (but my husband becomes disenchanted when i use a vibrator). We have tried every position in every room in the house to no avail.

Help!! I'm so tired of being unsatisfied.


Answer

I am so sorry to hear about your pain and lack of pleasure. This surely isn't normal and I am thinking that you need to consult with a specialist on female sexual dysfunction.

Such a specialist should be able to evaluate your entire condition, including your hormone levels. It sounds like you have more than one problem going on: the dryness is related to hormone depletion as may be the lack of feeling; as for the pain, that may be due to your dryness and/or a structural problem that resulted from the tearing.

You need to be seen in person and examined. The best place to find such a specialist is at a university or teaching hospital. You might also find a good lead by contacting Kinsey Institute, which, I believe maintains a list of specialists throughout the U.S. They should be able to find you someone in your area.

Good luck in tracking down the causes of the problem and resolving them.

- Doctor Love

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