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Tormented by Dreams of Having Sex Other Women

Submitted by Anonymous on Mon, 09/24/2001 - 8:00pm
September 24, 2001

Question

Dear Dr. Love,

You are the only one I would turn to this. My girlfriend & I have been together for 4 years next month and we have never been happier. I am very much in love with her but find myself looking at other women alot more. Not that I would move on it or anything, just looking.

Well, today, i woke up in a sweat after having the same dream for the third time. It starts out that I'm outside this girls (who I don't know who she is but see her face) apartment, she invites me in, we start kissing, then I run out.

Well, in the one today, we start kissing, she pulls my pants down, and goes down on me. I enjoy it for a bit and start crying that I can't do this. I run out the apartment back to ours and my g/f is asleep. Well, later in the dream, she finds out about it somehow and I'm forced to tell her about it. . . All the details and watch her cry helplessly.

I just wake up sweating and holding my g/f so tight but I don't want to tell her about my dreams. Why am I having these dreams and what do they mean?


Answer

The wish to have sex with other women is completely normal. If you read my book, Till Death Do Us Part (Unless I Kill You First), you will see that monogamy is not normal or natural for men. In fact, the survival of the species actually depended on men impregnating as many females as possible. In order to limit the chaos that resulted from polygamy as well as incest, societies created rules prohibiting such behaviors and basically forced monogamy on men.

Your urges and wishes and dreams are all normal. The problem here is your guilt over them. In the dream, your conscience plagues you, and you cry and you run away. What would be healthy is for you to enjoy your dreams. They provide you with a socially acceptable outlet for your urges. They permit you to experience the satsifaction of sleeping with other women without actually acting on your urges. They permit you to have the best of both worlds: the sensation of multiple partners while remaining faithful to one woman that you love.

Your goal is to make peace with and enjoy your dreams. If you find that you can't even after my little attitude adjustment, then by all means go and talk to a therapist.

- Doctor Love

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