Unhappy Hooker

You both are experiencing a value conflict. He is turned on by the thought of your playing his hooker, meanwhile you find the prospect of doing so offensive. His sexual values aren't any more right than are yours. The problem is that your values clash.

If you give in to him, you will feel offended, and if he tries to deny his desire to role play with you, then he will be annihilating an important part of himself. The problem with value conflicts is that there is no real way to compromise. That would be like asking someone to be a 'little 'Catholic. When couples experience a value clash, all they can do is respect their differences and come up with a plan of attack that embraces both partners 'values.

I have the sense that we are dealing with more than a simple value conflict here. I think that his request has hurt your feelings and made you think that he isn't satisfied with you as a sexual partner. The fact that he isn't being responsive to your feelings, just adds to your feeling unimportant to him. I wonder if you feel sure of his love and commitment to you? If not, then this hooker game may actually be triggering deeper feelings of insecurity about him and the relationship. I think that he may not be communicating how much he cares for you and wants you and only you. If he were able to give you the 'right 'feeling, then I wouldn't be surprised to find that you would feel differently about this game.

Try to work on his learning how to communicate his warm and loving feelings, and make sure to address and resolve all the issues in your relationship that leave you feeling insecure about him. When you feel stronger about him and the relationship, you may find that you feel less threatened or offended by playing the game. I think that you might also feel less offended by his request if you were able to understand what might be motivating his behavior.

Like a supermarket scanner, men are programmed to rack up as many females as they can and in the least amount of time. Men are hard wired (no pun intended) this way to insure the survival of the species. This explains why men crave sex with many partners, since this instinct was designed to impregnate as many females as possible. Since your boyfriend loves you, he doesn't want to satisfy his instinct for variety by cheating on you. Instead he chose to include you in his fantasy.

Remember, there's a big difference between fantasy and reality. He could have gone to a hooker but he didn't. By doing so, he is telling you that he wants to be faithful to you. After you both have worked on strenghtening your bond, then you can see about how you can find a way to satisfy his urge for sexual variety without putting you in the hooker role. Would you be more comfortable by pretending that you both are strangers who meet for an anonymous sexual encounter?

You both need to respect his biological programming as well as your (all all females ') need for security. With love and understanding you both should be able to come up with a game that meets your mutual needs. If you find it impossible to consider any form of role playing, then you might want to do some self work in order to decipher how his request may be churning up your unfinished childhood wounds. If, for example, you didn't feel adequately loved by one or both of your parents, then you would be overly sensitive to any signs from him that could be interpreted as your not being good enough for him.

As you work to identify and resolve the wounds of your childhood, when he learns to communicate his loving feelings for you in better and better ways, and when you both make sure that you resolve all the relationship issues that may threaten your sense of security with him and the relationship, you may feel safer to role play with him.