The Untouchable

I felt so sad in reading your letter. You depict yourself as a leper. But what about him? He acts like he's Mister Clean, meanwhile he's having sex without a condom, which means he's seconds away from contracting an STD himself.

I wonder why you don't view him as untouchable? After all, he could very easily give you an STD that 's far worse than the one you're contending with. My point is you are so caught up in feeling defective and unworthy that you aren't taking care to protect yourself from him. This isn't about whether he will dane to sleep with you--the damaged goods--but whether you will deign to sleep with him and under what conditions.

You need to step back and see the larger picture here, which isn't at all about the STD that you have. It's about how you don't like yourself, which leads you to attract a man who treats you like a reject. It is sad to see you begging him to give you a tumble. He should be begging for you. I know people who have contracted STDs and who have gone on to form loving relationships in which they are treated with respect and equality.

If you feel good about yourself, then you expect to be treated well no matter what. I suspect that you have never felt too great about yourself and contracting the STD was the icing on the cake of your self-loathing. Look back on your childhood and see where your low self-esteem began.

Join a therapy group where you will find people who love you for who you are. When you are feeling better about yourself, you will find a man who respects you enough to use a condom in order to protect you; a man who loves you, STDs and all.