Virgin Who Wants Sex to Hurt

You have asked a lot of questions. The technical questions you asked are the tip of the iceberg. Here are the answers to these. The first time a woman has intercourse, she may bleed if her hymen is intact. A completey intact hymen is rare nowadays since activity, climbing a fence, etc. is sufficient to tear the hymen. In such cases, there shouldn't be discomfort or soreness afterwards. The average vaginal canal is four to six inches. Now I must clue in on is this business about wanting penetration to hurt. Sex isn't supposed to hurt under any circumstances. There is no such thing as erotic pain. There is a sexual ache or yearning but this is not pain in any way shape or form. What concerns me is that you expect penetration to hurt. And, because of this expectation, your mind has actually created the pain that it expects to have. This is why you experience pain when a finger is inserted an inch, and why you can't wear tampons. Until this issue is resolved, you won't be able to tolerate intercourse, even with an average size penis. Let's talk a bit about why you expect pain. Vaginisimus is the technical term for pain that occurs upon penetration. And, vaginisimus in a young woman is generally caused by emotional factors. Before we say for sure that your problem is emotional, see your gynecologist and rule out any medical conditions that might cause pain. I am quite sure that you don't have any medical problems. But, check to be sure. Let's assume that the problem is caused by emotional factors. We need to first first out why you would want pain. There are many possibilities. Women who have been sexually molested will often develop vaginisimus. Another possibility is that you feel guilty about your sexuality. To figure out this mystery, ask yourself, 'Why would I deserve to have pain inflicted on me?' And, 'Why would I want to have pain on intercourse?' Also ask yourself, 'What have I done that makes me feel that I deserve to suffer?' I know that you say that you are comfortable with the age difference between you and your lover. Realize that the unconscious part of the mind may feel otherwise. When we choose lovers who are much older, the unconscious often feels like we are sleeping with a parent (parents are much older too) and there may be a feeling of guilt or the feeling that we should be punished for an incestuous choice. A good way to punish oneself is to inflict pain. There is another reason why a person may feel that he or she deserves pain. If you do not allow yourself to feel your anger, then that anger will get turned back on the self. Anger redirected at the self can take the form of depression, anxiety, self-attacking thoughts, guilt feelings. Buried anger also resurfaces in the form of arranging to get punished or hurt. This may be your case. I doubt that you will be able to get to the bottom of this issue on your own. I can consult privately with you on this matter, or I would be happy to help you find a therapist in your area. Good luck.