Waiting for Him

If I understand, you and your boyfriend are incompatible when it comes to how much time you like to spend together at home. You're a self-described home body and he likes to race cars and play in a band. It sounds like you argued over his being away from you too much, or something similar. While it's true that couples who are most similar in terms of tastes, values, interests, habits, and so on, are most compatible, it isn't necessary that you be identical.

I have the impression that the two of you have been caught in a power struggle in which each of you has tried to ram your expectations down the other 's throat. You want him home and he wants to be gone. Your different expectations aren't the problem. The problem is that the two of you haven't treated each other with love and consideration.

When you love someone, as you both say you do, then you are supposed to do your utmost to be responsive to the other 's needs; to put that person first and make him feel that he is your number one preoccupation.

With that in mind, ask yourselves how close you have both come to the ideal. Not close enough! Rather than focus on a solution to the problem, I think you should talk to each other and focus on your feelings. Take turns listening and understanding each other 's needs and feelings.

When the power struggle is set aside, angry will diminish and you will feel less like escaping the relationship. At the same time, when each of you feels truly heard and understood, you will be amazed at how the relationship improves. Then magic will occur.

For one thing, when you feel heard and understood, you will probably not feel the need to demand that he stay home as much. I thoink that your demand sprang from not feeling loved enough. But when he listens and understands you, you will feel more loved and less needy.

As for him, when he feels less demanded upon, he'll be less angry, less wanting to escape you and more wanting to be with you.

I recommend you read my book, which will guide you on how to listen and understand each other. This is the key to sparing your relationship and it sure does sound like it's worth saving.

I know you both love each other dearly. Now's the time to show it by listening and understanding each other.