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Waiting for the Rain

Submitted by Anonymous on Mon, 11/03/2003 - 8:00pm
in
November 3, 2003

Question

Dear Dr. Love,

I am 21 years old and never had a real relationship (physically or emotionally) with a guy. Having trouble finding people that I was really interested in I went to e-harmony. com and registered. It produced a match.

I have been in comunication with my match for a short time and have become really excited at meeting him. It turns out that we have lived the last 6 years of our lives within a mile of each other. We even went to the same highschool.

But now I am scared. I am meeting him tomorrow for breakfast in a very public spot so I am not worried about that. I do not know what to do and have no one to really ask advice on this. I have never done this before.  Any help would be appreciated. 

Sincerely,

Waiting for the rain.


Answer

You signed your letter, Waiting for the Rain, and this worries me. I can tell you all kinds of tricks about how to conduct yourself on the first date, but this won't amount to a hill of beans. Why? Because I don't think you realize that you have a script in your head that says your relationship is doomed before you start.

You need to understand where this foul weather prediction is coming from. I imagine your family relationships didn't work out well and this would explain why it's been hard for you to find people.

If you believe that relationships won't work out, why would you bother to find anyone. With such a belief you will either choose people who you know won't work with you or you will sabotage a relationship to prove yourself right.

The only way out of this bind is for you to develop new relationships that work. Group therapy is the place to start. There you will discover how to connect to others and how to form relationships that work well. These experiences become the model for your outside relationships.

- Doctor Love

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