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Wanting to Know How to Stop Scaring Off Women

Submitted by Anonymous on Mon, 04/15/2002 - 8:00pm
April 15, 2002

Question

Hi Dr. Love I need some advice please.

I am a attrctive single male I have a successful career as an computer programmer/accountant. I have 0 kids, I love to cook, clean, do laundry, and taxes. (it's April 15 so I have been busy).

Anyway I can't meet any women and when I do they get scared because I try to move too fast. I met this girl online, she said she really liked me so we started e-mailing each other. Then she told me to stop e-mailing her. Why? I sent her cards, told her I thought about her all the time, and I meant it. She even called me but she said I was moving too fast so I stopped talking to her and will move on.

But it's hard for me to meet women. I work out alot so I am fit, I make a pretty good income, plus I can do most of the housework. I do like sports but I have learned that not even sports should come between you an your partner. (Last relationship I learned that)

What can I do different so I don't scare off women. I don't think I am a bad catch. Thank you for your time.


Answer

You realize that you are scaring women off, but you don't seem clear on what you are doing to send them running for cover.

This last woman told you that you move too fast. You need to do some soul searching and find out why you are in overdrive. One cause for moving fast is a sense of neediness. If you are feeling lonely and desperate to find someone, then you are obviously at risk of coming on too strong too soon.

There is also another possible cause for your moving too fast and this one is really deep. Stay with me now. Sometimes a fear of intimacy can actually manifest itself by coming on too strong. You see, your unconscious mind may actually come on strong as a way of scaring the other person off. In doing so, your unconscious may be arranging to keep you alone.

The only way you are going to solve this problem is to treat it as a symptom of a deeper issue. The symptom is that you come on too strong. Now you need to find out the reason why you do. When you figure out the underlying cause of your behavior, you can work to heal the problem.

When the problem is healed, you won't feel compelled to push so hard anymore. Then and only then will love blossom in your life.

- Doctor Love

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