Wanting to Proceed

October 1, 2001

Question

I have lived in my current building for a month. I had an instant attraction to the man who lives above me. Though I do not know too much about him, I do know he is single and unattached. I also sense something very special about him. We are constantly running into each other. . in the parking lot, stair well, laundry room It is almost unnerving.

I have sent him the 'green light'. . and he seemed receptive, but he is so terribly nervous around me. It seems to be getting worse instead of better. It has got to the point that when he says something to me it is usually an uncomprehendible mumble. Though he does always manage to give me a nice smile.

I am a confident, attractive, intelligent and sexy woman (so men tell me). How do I make this guy more comfortable with me?? I have thought about using the direct approach but our chance meetings are usually brief and his obvious nervousness deters me. Part of me would just like to say. . . forget about him. But my keen intuition and that little voice in my heart tells me to hang in there, that he is worth the wait and the chance of something good.

 


Answer

If you gut tells you that this guy is a diamond in the rough, then listen to your instincts. I don't think the direct approach will be good with him. You might try to behave in an even more nervous and akward way than he does.

For example, you might stutter, stumble, drop something that he has to pick up. If he sees you as more nervous than he is, that should help him to overcome his own self-absorption and discomfort.

You also might try diverting his attention away from his own inner discomfort and shyness. For example, you could ask him a question, ask him for help, get him busy with a task, which will take his mind off his own inner terror.

Realize that while these techniques will help break the ice, you may be dealing with a man who is more than painfully shy. He may be terrified of intimacy and closeness as well, which will mean that you may be barking up the wrong tree.

Only time will tell the extent of his problem. I will be looking forward to hearing about how you make out with him.

- Doctor Love


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