Wanting to Reconnect With Your Your Life Long Friend

I know that you are sorry for having dropped your friend and that you have written numerous apology letters. As you probably have guessed by now, these letters will never help you to restore your broken friendship. This is because your friend's trust in you has been shattered, and no amount of apologies is going to change that.

Look at the situation from his point of view: He thinks to himself, if I allow her back in my life, what guarantee do I have that she won't trash the relationship again. Before you can hope to have him trust you again, you need to experience personal growth. You need to look at yourself with a piercingly honest eye and understand why you allowed a newcomer in your life to press you to give up an old friend.

What does your giving in to the newcomer's demands say about your unresolved issues? That you are a people pleaser? That you give in to others in order to avoid conflict? That you put other people's needs and wants ahead of what's best for you? That you are afraid to be unliked or even rejected if you don't bow down when another person demands something of you? Ask yourself these questions and see where this pattern of subserviencep began. Did you observe your mother and father yielding when they shouldn't? Or did your parents expect you to yield to their demands, even when you didn't want to?

When you figure out the origin of the pattern, then you have taken the first step toward resolving it. You must realize that the pattern is probably deeply ingrained in your personality, meaning that it won't be easy to give up. You may need a therapist to help you learn how to stand on your own two feet and not allow other people to push you around. When you have fully understood why you behaved as you did, and you can communicate this understanding as well as the assurance that you are working on your problem, your old friend should feel safer to take you back.

Realize also that he will need to be permitted to discuss all the feelings that were kicked up in him as a result of your rejection. Listen, understand, and take total responsibility for the impact of your actions. In the event that he still won't take you back, then you will need to chalk up this painful loss as a learning experience that taught you something very important about yourself.

If you ever hope to have lasting and satisfactory relationships, feel at home in your own skin, as well as strong and centered as a person, you will need to work on modifying this aspect of your personality.