White Hot to Stone Cold

What a mystery. You went from being passionate to barely letting him touch you. If you read your letter out loud, you will see that you are in great internal conflict. You say you don't want to break up with him, so then why are you thinking about doing it? You have no passion for him, yet feel like dying at the thought of his being with someone else.

It sounds to me like you are actually terrified by your attachment to him. More specifically, you are terrified to lose him. This terror is evidenced to me by your comments that the mere thought of this makes your 'head reel out of control'; and your saying that you feel like dying at the thought of his being with someone else.

In other words, you are scared to death to lose this man. Now how would this fear of losing him relate to your odd loss of passion. I think that your white hot passion for him was too scary for you. To have such a strong feeling for another person only intensifies the fear of losing such a love.

One way that the unconscious mind deals with this terror is by mobilizing various defense mechanisms that serve to dilute your sense of attachment. Your loss of sexual desire is, I believe, the way that your unconscious mind has chosen to dilute your attachment to him. Being cut off and detached is designed to protect you so that if and when he leaves you won't suffer as much.

Unfortunately, the defense mechanism is backfiring bigtime because instead of protecting you in the future, it is ruining your life in the present. You are dead sexually and not enjoying your 'ride' with this man. . . in more ways than one.  

The only way to reclaim your sexual feelings is to understand that you are in the grips of an unconscious defense mechanism that is deadening you in a futile effort to protect you from the pain of loss. Try to figure out the origin of this fear. Were you abandoned as a child? Was one of your parents abandoned?

When you figure out where the fear comes from, you can begin talking about the trauma that you suffered. Talking is the main way that such feelings and fears are worked through. If identifying the origin of your fear and talking with your boyfriend about it doesn't free you, then it's time to do some therapy.