Woman Who Just Got Dumped

You are asking me for ideas on how you can hurt less and keep the friendship. One of your goals, to be his friend, isn't within your control. He has a say in that one.

However, if you focus on the other goal, how can you hurt less, and you do the kind of work you need to do in order to heal yourself, you will stand a better chance of winning his friendship.

What is the type of work that you need to do? You need to understand why you mistreated him so badly. Find out how your behavior related to your childhood. Were you replaying a relationship that you experienced as a kid? Were you copying behavior that you saw your parents engage in? Were you hurting him in order to keep him at a distance, so that you wouldn't risk being hurt?

When you understand the whys of your actions, and heal the causes, then you can go back to your ex. and open your heart to him. When he sees your growth and understanding, and you ask for his forgiveness, you have a much better chance of winning his friendship.

The work that I outline is vital. If you don't do this work, you are going to experience a string of failed relationships. I always tell people that we use our relationships in order to heal the wounds of childhood. We restage the painful experiences of childhood by choosing partners who reminds us of the parents who let us down.

If you can become conscious of the wounds that you need to heal, and you work to heal them in therapy, then you won't need to set up these unhealthy scenarios in future relationships. This is how to heal your hurt once and for all. I hope you get your friend back.