Woman Who is More Comfy with Porn than Lovey Dovey Talk

Dr. Love I grew up in a divorced family and even though both parents were so wonderful and always there for everything I was never exposed to the affection between a man and a woman. I have been through several relationships all of which have left me broken hearted and I question if I really want to date again.

I have had a few boyfriends cheat on me. One of my relationships was very verbally and emotionaly abusive. I still get chills when I think of some of the things he said to me over and over again. The rest of my relationships ended because the guy suddenly felt different about me. I pretty much felt taken andvantage at the end of every relationship.

A few months ago I started dating a guy who was great except the fact that he was my employer therefore we had to keep it all private. Everytime he started talking to me on a very personal level i. e. 'I really love spending time with you and I like where this is going. ' I would clam up and say something like 'ok' or 'that 's nice'. When it comes to sex I have no problem at all but it is personal conversations. If I am watching a movie with a guy or anyone really, I would feel more comfortable watching a porno (just an example) than something sweet and romantic. It makes me feel disgusted with the characters when they speak of their feelings for one another and I even find my self rolling my eyes when hearing someone in a movie, TV, ect. say 'I love you'.

I know this is a very long story I just have a little more. My boss and I did not work out . . . . . he got back together with his old girlfriend. I have recently started dating a guy whom I am not serious with but I can tell things are going in that direction. He is great. . . sweet, polite, nice family, and a good job. He is out of town right now and he called me tonight and told me 'I know you are special when I can't get my mind off you all day while in meetings' then he went on and said 'I really miss you and can't wait to see you. ' He didn't use the 'L' word thank God but it was just as bad. When he said these things I laughed a little and said 'Oh ok' like it was no big deal. I know it was a big deal to him because he sounded hurt after that.

I could not say 'I miss you too', even though I wanted to. Saying words like that make me feel so open and vulnerable. I feel that this is most certainly starting to cause me problems because he is probably under the impression I could care less about him. Why do you think I cannot muster the courage to share my feelings? Do you know of anyway I can overcome this? Any insight or suggestions will be most helpful. I am sorry this question is so long! Thank you very much.