Wondering How to Find out if a Man is Marriage Minded

You have asked a good question and one that I am sure many single women ponder on a daily basis. Your question is when is the right time to explore whether a man is open to the prospect of marriage.

Unfortunately, no such formula exists because no two men and no two relationships are exactly the same. This means that you have no choice but to be yourself, listen to your gut, and follow your heart. If you feel interested enough in a man to inquire whether he is open to marrying one day, then you need to be able to ask this question.

If the man runs for the hills, it's not because you asked the wrong question or asked the question at the wrong time; it's because the man is conflicted about becoming hitched. A man with this type of problem will freak whether you ask the question six weeks, six months, six years or six thousand years into the relationship.

The fact that you would consider following a formula rather than your own heart alarms me. You are on the verge of transforming yourself into an emotional pretzel by molding yourself to external guidelines instead of being true to your own inner voice. It isn't healthy for you to follow the path that you are taking. It would be much healthier for you to assume the attitude: 'If a man can't handle my honesty, that 's his loss and my gain. . . next. ' I'm sure you've heard the saying, 'The Messiah always comes the day after you need him?' Well, it's the same with finding a life partner; when you have accepted being single and don't feel that you need to find a husband that 's when Mr. Right suddenly appears.

What's more, your sense of urgency to find a husband may actually be 'skunking' men away from you. Even though you don't say so directly, men can tell that you are hungry for a husband. The fact that you would consider replacing your own inner voice for formulas and timetables that aren't your own is an indication of the lengths to which you would go to find a mate. Such neediness may be frightening men away.

Realize also that no behavioral tricks such as keeping your mouth shut or not bringing up the 'M' word will succeed in concealing your sense of urgency. Men will pick up on your state of mind, even if you don't say a word. This may sound hokey to you, but think about it. We humans constantly read other peoples' nonverbal signals. For example, have you noticed that when you come to a stop beside a car that is stopped in the lane next to you and you look over at that driver, he/she looks back at you. You didn't say a word or honk your horn, but the driver picked up your nonverbal signals and responded to them.

It's the same in relationships. Your need to marry is conveyed nonverbally and men pick up your sense of need. In addition to nonverbal signals, I am sure that your behavior (walking on eggshells, biting your tongue, not being spontaneous) must also convey that you are'needy, ' and this may aggravate the problem.

I think you also need to study whether your unconscious is invested in drawing the wrong kinds of men. Grant it, there are plenty of intimacy phobics out there, but there are also men who want to marry again. The fact that you aren't drawing the right kind of men needs examination. Are you deep-down afraid to marry despite your conscious thought that you are ready to do so? Are you attracting men who will keep you safe and single? Or are you choosing unavailable men as a way of recreating a climate of emotional deprivation similar to what you experienced with mom or dad?

If you want to marry one day, you will need to examine this subject from all angles. If you are choosing men who aren't marriage material, find out why and resolve the root cause. When you do, you will draw a different type of man into your life. If you are not finding a husband because you are trying too hard to snag one, then work at making peace with being single.

When you do, you will approach men in a less urgent way, which will help to keep your prospects from hitting the road. When you are less hungry, there will be less'heat' and investment attached to the subject of marriage. When you are able to bring up the subject and feel less intense yourself, men should feel less threatened to discuss the subject with you without running for cover.

Let me know how you make out.