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Confused

Submitted by Anonymous on Mon, 10/30/2006 - 8:00pm
October 30, 2006

Question

Dear Dr. Love,

I have been dating my boyfriend for seven months now and the topic of sex has never been an issue. Because of my upbringing I have always felt that I needed to remain a virgin until my wedding night. This feeling has evolved from years of preaching and counseling from my church leaders and my parents. Now, I am in a relationship I thing has great potential and could be the one.

My inner emotions grow stronger and stronger daily for him and I feel as if I have never been any closer to anyone in my entire life. He previously engaged in sex with three other girls purely for physical pleasure before I met him. Now, that we are together and in complete love the feeling of desire comes into my mind frequently.

A couple of months ago the idea ran in and out of my mind. I kept switching back and forth with the idea and was unsure of it. There seemed to be so many cons to go with that glorious pro, but now my views have changed. I feel as if I am ready to make that emotional tie with my boyfriend. I have felt certain of this for two weeks, but one thing holds me back.

Is wiating until marriage the right choice? If a person is in a relationship which has strong roots and deep ties, what is wrong with sharing that with this person? Help!!!

Hopefully,
confused.


Answer

You ask whether it is right or wrong to put-off sex until marriage.

Actually, the only question you need ask yourself is: Is sex before marriage right for me? I have no problem with it, but I am not you, and I don't have to live in your skin. Given your strict religious upbringing, your head is buzzing with mountains of negative preaching. No wonder you think sex before marriage is wrong.

It sounds as though you are at a personal crossroad in that you are attempting to establish your own values separate and distinct from your church and family. This is healthy and normal. And, if you feel that sex is fine for you, then it is fine. It doesn't matter what your parents or the church says. They don't live in your skin either.

Just promise me one thing. If you do decide to have sex before marriage, make sure that you are 100% sure and unconflicted before taking the plunge, so to speak. I don't want you to have sex and then feel overcome with guilt afterwards.

So, freely decide. I'm behind your decision to break free of other people's rules and preachings. And, if and when you decide to have sex, thoroughly enjoy it.

Let me know what you decide and how your first experience turns out.

- Doctor Love

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