You Freaked When She Said I Love You

Dr Love,

I have been married for 10 years and have a 14 year-old adopted daughter from my wife's previous marriage). I am happily married and always have been. My wife and I have never fought, rarely disagreed, and are completely monogamous. Other than working too much, I have nothing to complain about. I work incessantly to pay bills (16 hours per day, six days a week). I gave up my dream of becoming a writer to make money and have been successful. I have a comfortable but dreary and bland existence. However, I have a loving and supportive wife and family that make it possible to get up each morning. I have always counted myself lucky.

I am an incest survivor that suffered particularly violent sexual, physical and emotional abuse. These attacks occurred between the ages of 3 and 11 years old. The principal perpetrator was eventually prosecuted. However, at the age of 19, I suffered a complete mental/emotional/spiritual collapse and spent the next five years receiving psychological and pharmaceutical therapy. I am now functional but emotionally crippled. I rarely have emotional responses now. I have only experienced a love-like sensation prior to the age of 19.

At the age of 18 I was in evolved with a stunning and vivacious woman named Alice. I remember the overwhelming physical sensation and emotional sensation (like butterflies) that was associated with seeing her, calling her, etc. I had many girlfriends and sexual experiences before this, but had never experienced the uncontrollable elation that I felt when we were together. I suffered horribly when she left and I believe that this actually triggered my collapse.

I have never experienced such feelings with my wife. We are very good friends and are well very suited to one another. We had fantastic sex when we first got married and still have pretty great sex now. We are rational, but very affectionate; perhaps a little boring and predictable, but also comfortable. I love my wife in much the same way that I love a best friend. I don't feel ecstatic when I see my friends, although I do miss them when they are not around. This is similar to the feelings that I have for my wife. I have always assumed the sensations that I felt during the relationship with Alice were related to my relative lack of relationship experience and due to nervousness and anticipation. Perhaps a cherry-high' or endorphin rush never to be repeated.

Recently spoke to Alice (my girlfriend from 13 years ago). I sounds weird, but we phone each other from time to time in order to speak openly to an impartial and empathetic third-party. This has occurred once or twice a year for the last 13 years. We share an unusual closeness and I think of her as a friend even though I haven't seen her in person since she left me. It is not uncommon for us to be very open and frank, due to the fact that there is zero possibility of a relationship blossoming. Unfortunately, she has recently divorced and we have begun talking about our relationship for the first time since she left. My wife knows that we talk, but also knows that we are just friends.

MY PROBLEM. Alice said I Love You' absent-mindedly when she hung up the phone and I freaked. My pulse began to race, my mouth became dry, I felt butterflies, I smiled for 4 hours straight- until I got home to my loving wife and daughter. I didn't speak to her again for 3 months. Then I called her. I felt the same sensation when dialing the phone and when talking to her. I have not thought of Alice as a love interest for 12 years or more, but I seem to get giddy when the thought presents itself. I have never experienced this with anyone else.

I have never mention this to Alice. 2 days ago she called out of the blue and professed a similar connection or chemistry that she has been unable to shake since me beak-down. She wishes that it were possible to see me. I have no idea what to think and I'm fresh out of therapy. Your advice would be greatly appreciated. Please do not use my name

- gracias