You Love Her From Afar

Dear Dr. Love, I am a 21-year-old Chinese guy who is in love with a 22-year-old girl.

We are classmates at university and that is how we got to know each other. When we were in Year 1, our timetables were not the same, so we did not have many opportunities to see each other (perhaps just 5 hours or so per week). But I still managed to observe her clearly--she is confident, independent, approachable and always happy. At first, I only thought that she is such an attractive girl but had not fallen in love with her yet.

Then during the second semester of that year, I gave a party at my house, inviting many classmates, including her, to come. We had a good time and the relationship between she and I improved because of that. Suddenly, I found that I love her! Yet, until now, I still have not expressed my love for her yet. During the summer vacation that followed, I kept contacting her.

She told me a piece of heartbreaking news--she would be exchanged to America to study for one year. One day, she asked me to go to church with her and of course I did. Thereafter, I went to church with her a few more times. She asked me why I went with her since I am not a Christian. I just failed to give her an answer. I promised myself to send her at least 2 emails per month during the year when she was in America, no matter how busy I was. In the end, I sent about 20. I wrote every single one of them with sincerity. It seemed that she was not very eager to write to me at first, but gradually, I felt that she became more and more willing to do so.

About a month before she came back, she emailed me, asking me for my updates and telling me when she would return. That was the first time she took the initiative to write to me. It so happened that around 3 weeks before her return, I went to France to take a 3-week summer course. Before I left, I sent her an ecard and she replied that I have been a great friend of hers. After I returned, she called me to ask me to go to the library with her to do some research for our Honors Project. That was the only time I saw her ever since she came back 2 months ago. A few days after I met her, she went to Japan and stayed there for 17 days. So, I waited patiently for her again.

After these 17 days, I called her and asked her to go to the library with me, but she said she had not decided yet and that she would call me if she wanted to go. I could not stand being so passive, so I called her again the next day to ask her. This time she said no. Then, I asked her to dine out with me, but suddenly her mobile phone did not work properly and I lost touch with her. I did not give up and emailed her. She told me that she was busy every day and not sure whether she could have dinner with me. Then, I sent her another email to suggest a day. She said everything was undecided, so she could not answer me, but she might go to the library the next afternoon. I asked her to email me or call me if she really went there, but there was no response. I went there the next day to try my luck, but did not see her. I was extremely disappointed.

I surely will tell her that I love her someday, but I strongly believe that true love must be based on true friendship. It is very risky to express my love for her if she does not even consider me her friend. That is why I have always been trying my best to be her most loyal friend. I think I am doing quite well in this respect. Our friendship did not disappear because of one year of separation, but was strengthened because of my sincerity and insistence. The problem, however, is that she is so fickle. Sometimes, it seems that she is most willing to be with me. Yet, sometimes, it seems that she is trying to refuse or even escape from me.

Why is she like that? What can I do? Also, is it possible that she suspects that I love her? If so, what should I do? I do not think it is time for me to tell her tell her that I love her. Do you agree to what I am doing? Next semester will begin very soon and I will have plenty of opportunities to see her because our timetables are similar this time. This will be our final year at university and I do not want to waste any more opportunities. I am so confused, so worried! Thank you very much!