You Masturbate as a Substitute for Sex with Your Hubby

In order to decipher the cause of the problem, I'll need more information. I will ask the questions and you can answer them on your end. These answers will guide you to the cause of the problem.

The first thing we want to make sure of is that his health is all right. Tiredness can be a sign of depression, extreme stress, low thyroid function, low testosterone levels, diabetes, anemia, chronic infections, and many other health conditions. He needs to get his health checked and rule out all physical causes of his tiredness. If he checks out fine, then we can move into the emotional realm.

Starting from the individual plain, you want to make sure that he isn't depressed or stressed out about work or family responsibilities. If all this is a dead end, then move to the relationship. First study whether your sex drives have always differed. If they haven't, and the tiredness and lack of sexual interest is a recent development, we need to find out what set him off.

I'll bet that your husband wasn't always this way and so we would need to find out what has changed for him and why. Figuring out when the problem began will provide valuable clues as to its cause. If, for example, he became too tired for sex after the birth of your child, we'd have to understand why. Is he anxious about providing for the child? Is he jealous of the time you spend with the child? Does the attention you give the child awaken issues from his childhood in which he felt a parent gave his siblings more attention than he received?

What also need to see if his disinterest in sex is a symptom of buried anger. I wonder if your husband is withholding sex as a way of getting even with you. To figure out if this is so, you might ask him how he feels about you and the marriage. Also ask him how well he thinks you are doing as his wife. You might tell him that all behavior is a communication and you wonder what his sexual avoidance is telling you about how he feels about you and the marriage. You might tell him that when someone withholds what the other person wants (in this case, when he withholds sex) it is usually because he isn't getting what he wants.

If he felt that he was getting what he wanted from you, he would be more giving toward you. If you can get him talking about what's missing and you respond to his needs, you should find your sex life on the upswing.