You Read His Diary and Found Out His True Feelings

Even though your boyfriend hasn't had an actual affair, the existence of this other woman is impacting on your relationship in much the same way that an affair does. For some time you have sensed that your boyfriend was attracted to this woman, then you read his diary and found confirmation that he is more attracted to women with a heavier build that yours.

This may seem hard to believe, but in order to resolve this impasse, you are going to need to start from the premise that this woman's presence actually serves a function for him, for you, and for the relationship. Even though you are consciously pained by per presence, your unconscious mind is gaining something out of being in this situation. In order to figure out what your unconscious mind gains, we must figure out what purpose she serves.

I can hear you shouting, 'What are you kidding. I hate that she's around.' Put these feelings aside and ask yourself how you feel about his attraction to her. Do you feel unloved, unwanted, frightened, afraid to be dropped? Now go to the next level and ask yourself when do I recall having felt this way as a child.

I bet you will find that your feelings then and your feelings now are quite similar. Somebody in your early life made you feel like you weren't mommy or daddy's number one girl. You probably felt not good enough, inadequate in comparison with another of your siblings, or something similar. The next question is why your unconscious mind has drawn you to a man who makes you feel the same way that you felt as a kid. Yes, we are drawn to the familiar, but there is another reason. You are hoping to heal the original wound. You are actually seeking your happy ending or corrective experience.

To figure out the corrective experience you have been craving since you were a child, ask yourself, 'How did I wish that mom and dad would have treated me (or felt about me). ' Now you have your answer as to what kind of treatment you are looking for from your guy. You want him to cherish you and make you feel like you are the only woman in the world for him. The real question is can this man give you your corrective experience. To answer this question, he needs to understand what he gains by arranging to place this other woman between you. How does creating this triangle fit with his early life? Why is he afraid of having you and only you? Why has he chosen a woman whose physical type isn't his favorite so that he has an excuse to yearn after other women, including this 'friend.'

When he digs deep, he is going to be amazed to find out all sorts of links between his present behavior and his early wounds. He may be afraid to have one woman because of deep fears of intimacy, which themselves conceal deeper fears of abandonment, rejection, dependency, helplessness. Only he can fill in the blanks. The point is having chosen a woman who isn't his preferred physical type and then yearning after other women drives a wedge between you and him that he seems to need.

With all of this information on the table, the two of you will be in a better position to heal your relationship. He is going to need to resolve the blocks inside himself to your being his only woman, and if he can manage this, your corrective experience will be in the bag, so to speak.

There is only one caveat here. If this man is truly not that attracted to your body type, then that isn't going to change. If this is true, you will be setting yourself up to fail in your attempts to achieve your happy ending, since he will never be able to give you his entire heart. A lot of open discussion is going to be needed in order to sort all this out. Let me know how you make out and if you need me to help you navigate your discussions, I will be happy to do so.