You Saw the Light too Late

I am sorry to hear what has happened. In order to try to mend fences with him, put yourself in his shoes. He will find it hard to believe that you have changed, so it's up to you to convince him that you have.

Before you launch on a dog and pony show aimed at selling him on the new you, you need to convince yourself that you have changed. To do that, you need to thoroughly understand where you intense jealousy came from. I am sure that the answers will be found in your childhood: either you had a parent who was jealous and you patterned yourself after him or her; or you, yourself, were made to feel insecure in your parent's love. If your parent threatened to abandon you or actually did emotionally or physically abandon you, that scar would prime you to expect your spouse to leave. As a result, you would be constantly terrified that he is cheating and/or one foot out the door.

You need to understand that your accusations were a symptom of a wound that hasn't healed. I know that his threatening to divorce you has made you'see the light. ' This is wonderful, but after the shock of his threat wears off, you will still be left with an unhealed wound. So, work to identify the source of the wound that fuels your jealousy and heal the wound. If he feels on a real gut level that you have grown and changed, he should be willing to trust you, presuming that there isn't too much water under the bridge and too much resentment for him to surmount.

If you take responsibility for doing harm to him and apologize, and honestly share the deep-seated reasons for your actions, you are doing all that you can to bring him back to you. I hope that he isn't too bitter to be brought back.