You Want Me to Tell You "Get a Job, You Bum"

Sorry to disappoint you. I don't call people names and I wonder why you are so quick to invite a verbal lashing! It sounds to me like you are a professional target. If your girlfriend isn't dumping on you by reminding you that you are out of work and too poor to wine and dine her, then you pick up where she's left off and dump on yourself. Is it possible that you keep on losing your jobs so that others as well as you, yourself, have a permanent excuse to beat on you?

People who beat on themselves do so because: either they were abused as kids and they feel the need to maintain the familiar, and/or because they are crucifying themselves for buried anger that festers inside their own psyches. Search my Advice Archives to understand more about why people beat themselves up (or find others to do so) when there is too much anger buried in their psyches. Understanding your need for self abuse will begin the transformation that will ultimately result in your treating yourself better as well evoking better treatment from others, including your girlfriend.

Now, let's return to your current predicament. Your girlfriend is falling into the trap that many women fall into. Rather than stating what she needs, she complains over what she isn't getting. She says that she is disappointed that you don't have the cash to wine and dine her. I think her whining over the lack of wining and dining, is her way of saying without directly saying it that you aren't making her feel special. She has come to associate a man's spending money on her as proof that he cares. Since you can't drop the dough on her, she is reading your lack of giving as a sign that you don't care. In other words, she is taking your poverty personally.

You, yourself know that you can't buy love. Many poor men succeed in making their wives and girlfriends feel like number one, while many wealthy men fail miserable in this task. My point is, you need to find nonmonetary ways to make your girlfriend feel like number one. You might start by telling her that you care about her and want her to feel how special she is to you. Then, you could ask her how you can make her feel like your number one, even when you are short on cash. Ask her for suggestions or a wish list. Then, you can freely pick and choose from her wish list.

There are many ways to make her feel loved and special without spending money. A candlelit dinner that you make, a bubblebath followed by a sensual massage, telling her what you love about her, reading her poetry, etc.. Once she gets the right feeling from you, she should stop harping about the lack of dining and dancing. If she still feels the need to blame you for your being out of work and out of cash, then you need to consider the possibility that this woman has a need to beat on you.

If she continues to blame you even after you are responsive to her, and you feel the need to return for more beatings, then you are going to need to work on understanding and resolving the factors that lead you to beat on yourself and/or seek out those who mistreat you.