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Your Girlfriend Lied About Her Sexual Past

Submitted by Anonymous on Thu, 08/17/2000 - 8:00pm
in
August 17, 2000

Question

hi,

my girlfriend told me a lie about her sexual past a couple weeks ago. She told me she was a virgin but come to find out she admitted one day she had one previous partner.

Her reason for keeping it from me was that she was very strong on her virginity and didnt want to lose it to just anyone. Well, this guy came along at a very tough point in her life and she slept with him in a relationship that was just sex based.

She says that she felt so depressed she didnt know any better because he made her feel good about herself. She claims she was too ashamed of what she had done to tell me about it, thats why she hid it.

I have alot of trouble trusting girls and now that she told me this, Im not so sure that shes stopped seeing him (which she is very strong that she has) or Im not so sure there isnt more shes hiding from me.

She seems very honest and genuine but I just dont know, im having trouble believing her when she tells me things with this guy have ended and shes telling me the whole truth, help please??


Answer

When you find out that you have been lied to, it is naturally hard to trust that person who lied in the future. I think it would help you to learn more about this girl.

Does she have a history of lying? Or was this a one-time deal? I have the feeling that she lied in order to look better in your eyes and/or to make sure that she didn't lose you (because she really likes you).

You might tell her that she risks losing if she lies, not if she tells you the truth. You also might ask her if she can agree to talk with you honestly, the next time she feels ashamed of revealing the truth to you.

If she says that she can make this commitment, then you can wait and see, reserving your complete trust until she demonstrates that she is keeping her word. Meanwhile, you need to work on healing your own trust issues, while she continues to do her part to earn and maintain your trust.

- Doctor Love

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