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Your Mother Destroyed Your Relationship

Submitted by Anonymous on Mon, 05/05/2003 - 7:00pm
in
May 5, 2003

Question

I fell in love with a man who was not a perfect angel but was trying to change his ways. My mother absolutely hated him and for two years tried to destroy it.

He finally asked me to marry him and gave me a ring. I said yes but my mother went crazy until the final result was me breaking up with him.

I am so depressed and bitter. He now wants to get back together after 7 months being split up. My mother will go crazy. I guess you can say she's used to controlling me.

I should mention that I am 33 years old.


Answer

Not only is your mother used to controlling you, you are used to being controlled by her.

I am sure your mother has been controlling you since you were a little girl. Since you needed your mother's love, like all children do, I am sure that you gave in to her threats and manipulations, hoping that you would win her love and approval by being 'good' and compliant.

If giving in to her hasn't won you the love you crave by now, you need to face the fact that it never will. In order to break free of her hold, you are going to need to give up hoping for her love. You are going to need to accept that your mother is too damaged to love you unconditionally, as a mother should. You are going to need to grieve the loss of having had the kind of mother you deserved.

When you let go and stop acting on the little girl hope, she will no longer have any hold on you. She can throw fits, go crazy, but it won't matter to you any longer, since you will be free of the hope that is crippling you into submission and self-annihilation.

If you find it hard to follow the above plan, private therapy would be in order.

- Doctor Love

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