Your Wife is Having an Emotional Affair

My wife and I are in our early 30's and have been married for almost 7 years. We lived together for a year prior to marriage. In the early years we had a stormy relationship, in part because of a short temper on my side but also because of an emotional affair between my wife and another man which went on for about 9 months. The connection between the two emerged within 2 weeks of marriage and ended only 9 months later when I finally caught them on the phone in my house.

The relationship had not include physical relations so I confronted her with evidence and made her choose. Supposedly she wanted me and here we are years down the road. After several years of trying to put it away (and doing good for a year or more)it has happened again with another man. I found evidence of a platonic relationship with obvious signs of a developing affair. She says that she just wanted attention and was so flattered by his advances that she just couldnt resist the temptation to converse with him in an explicit way ( with me in the house).

The problem is that I have found chat records in my computer where she describes the difficulty she had driving away from their last chance encounter, the chemistry between the two, the way they must have been lovers in a past life and the way she misses him even though it has been only a short time ago that they met. The conversations do lend themselves to the cocnclusion that the relationship has been non sexual but I have to wonder where it was going. I confronted her and seem to have stopped the situation.

The problem is the uncertainty about what would have happened had I been quiet and is this worth saving. She says that she was resisting his requests for a rendezvous because of her commitment to our family. It is apparent from the conversation that this is somewhat true but it also looks like she had a thing for this guy. I just don't know how to proceed. Keeping my family together is very important to me and it seems to be to her but what are you supposed to do with the trust issue.

I don't guess you can look into a crystal ball and tell me what to do but I just don't know what to do here. I admit I have a history of demanding too much in a relationship and then compensating by not demanding anything. In other words my bark usually has no bite unless I am mad and then it is really bad for everyone on the block. How do I proceed? Can You Help?