You're Becoming Too Jealous

Hello Dr Love, I have been living with my boyfriend for 2 years and 2 months. Just over a month ago he went into hospital to have his gallbladder removed. Complications set in and went in for a second op 3 days later. He was in ICU for 4 days (he almost didn't make it) and was released 3 days after that which was a Thursday.

The Saturday the house cleaning lady came to work. I went to the grocery store and was supposed to go visit my kids but decided to go home first as I felt something was wrong. When I got home the front door was locked, the dog didn't greet me as she normally does and what do I find? The house cleaning lady in bed with my boyfriend who's penis was halfway erect. She had only a t-shirt on.

I went off as you can imagine. I gave the girl her money and told her to never set foot at the house or near my boyfriend again. I confronted my boyfriend and he said he doesn't know why or how it happened. He was feeling lonely and sore. I said that is no excuse to have another woman in the same bed as him. He said that he felt mixed up and didn't know what he was doing. I cried and cried, my heart broken into more than a million pieces. My boyfriend said in all his life he had never cheated on anybody and the first time it happens, he gets caught.

I phoned the girl the next morning and she said he only touched the top of her vagina and that nothing happened as I had walked in. She says she felt bad and that she doesn't think anything would have happened. I told her not to set foot near the house and called her every nasty name under the sun. My boyfriend said he would have told me as he felt extremely guilty and sorry. He said he felt like killing himself 'cause he knows how much he hurt me.

My face gave me away. He said it's a horrible nightmare and that we must just forget about it. Well, I have tried. I spoke to a friend of mine and she said the same thing. I spoke to a doctor and she said that under the circumstances it is possible for my boyfriend not to have known what he was doing and that he could have thought it was me.

The operation takes up to 3 months to recover from. I have tried so hard to forget but every now and then I get flashbacks and end up crying when I'm alone cause it still hurts inside my heart. I love my boyfriend so much and he says he doesn't want to lose me and that he also loves me a lot. He is 57 and I am 38 years old. We have become life time partners and I'd like to marry him some day but he says he has to heal first cause his ex wife hurt him so much (his ex wife cheated on him).

My boyfriend has in the meantime been for a check and was told he can start making love to me even though him tummy is still sore. We have tried once to make love but he couldn't get his penis up properly. He has given me a climax with his hand a few times but this last week he hasn't really been in the mood as he's always complaining about the soreness. I know he is sore but to me there is nothing wrong with his penis.

My boyfriend has become more loving towards me and hugs and kisses me every day. My problem is that I have become more jealous and am so scared of losing him. I have been assured that I am his only love and that he knows he made a mistake and also understands if it ever happens again, then I will leave him.

My other problem is that I just can't trust any females anymore. A therapist comes to the house every week to give him therapy for the lungs. I don't even trust her (she's married) and my boyfriend phones me before and after she leaves. I think he realizes that perhaps I'm keeping tabs on him while I'm at work during the day. How can I learn to trust a female again? I told my boyfriend that the trust I lost came back but every now and then it gets lost and then I feel so sad.

I know time heals all wounds but I am scared that my insecurity is going to get the better of me. I don't want to end up having a nervous breakdown because of some stupid bitch. I am trying so hard to forget the whole episode. I want our intimate love life to return properly. How long will it take before my boyfriend shows full interest in our sex life? If you don't answer my letter then at least I'll have gotten this off my chest.

Please help me as I don't understand fully why it happened. My boyfriend refuses to talk about it, saying he can't fully remember what happened and has forgotten about it if this makes sense to you. I love my boyfriend so much but don't want to become possessive and to the extreme point of being too jealous.