Does She Really Like Me? Or is She Just Playing Me?

Thank you for your time on reading this question :)

Four months ago I met a girl and I got interested in her. That day, it seemed that I made a connection with this girl, my friend told me she was staring at me a lot. Next few weeks we texted, and I invited her to my school dance. She seemed really excited, the texting became more often, and she sounded like she was interested in me and going to the dance with me. The day of the dance was amazing, we talked, danced, laughed. We had a lot of fun and she told another friend of mine that she had a great time with me. Next few weeks after the dance we started talking again, at first she was receptive as usual, but then she started to get sort of cocky. She didn´t respond my text messages with the same interest, It felt as if she lost interest in me. I figured this was because she was going  to take a trip with her best friends and I thought she was more focused on her friends than on me. So, I made a decision. I didn´t talk to her for a month or more. I wanted her to miss me.

 A month passed by and then I made another move. I talked to her again, and she was happy very happy to hear from me. I thought my plan had worked. I invited her on a date, and this time I used some strategies, I made her come to me instead of me chasing her around. She agreed to come, and that week she was very exited, she sent me lots of messages, she was receptive, she invited me to a dance, and she told a friend of mine that she really was looking forward to this date. (the date was to watch a soccer game at my VIP seats, because she loves soccer,  but first she arrived at my house).

  On the day of the date, things got bad.  Her speech pattern sounded different on her texting, weird, then she arrived at my house and we headed to the game.  Once on the game, I tried to start conversations with her, be  nice, but she was unreceptive, she barely spoke, and looked like she didn´t want to be there. I was disappointed, and then, she made a very disrespectful comment, which I think was to make me jealous. She told me a friend (who was a boy) of hers wanted to watch the game with us. I couldn´t believe my ears. Why would she tell me that in the middle of our date? I told her no one else could come and we continued watching the game.

   After that day, I was very confused. Why is this girl showing ups and downs? Why would she be incredibly interested before the date, then look like she wanted to leave? So a week passed and I talked to her again (texting) and her responses showed no interest at all. Now, I don´t know if I should continue, and I am very confused. Why does this girl lift up my spirits then bring it down?

We are both teenagers.

Signed: And all my days are trances.

I am sorry that this young woman is jerking your emotional chain. She may be afraid to get close, which could explain why she pulls in and then pushes you away. Or she could be using you to build her ego. Making you jealous by saying that another guy wants to join the game is a game.

I am more concerned with protecting you rather than analyzing her motivations. She simply isn't treating you properly, and that's that. She is playing with your emotions and running all kinds of numbers on you. You don't deserve this and you must not permit this any further. 

Since you are obviously attached to her, it would seem that you are not yet ready to give her up. So the only other choice is to directly confront her on her behavior. To do so, you could say, "Have you noticed that you have a habit of reeling me and then throwing me away?"

Now let's see her reaction. If she is genuinely unaware of her behavior, she should seem contrite and upset.

But I don't think she's entirely unaware.

Next I would ask her what her behavior is telling you.

How does she want you to interpret her behavior.

How does she want you to feel? Jealous? Hurt? Angry?

How does she want to respond? Does she want you to chase her. If so, why? To build herself up? Does she want you to reject her? Does she want you to prove your devotion by not giving up.

You see what I'm doing here. I'm putting the mirror in front of her and making her take a look at what she's doing. Everything needs to be made conscious and put on the table for examination.

If she's not willing to "cop to" the wrongness of her behavior, then you have someone who you can't make a relationship with.

Also, I recommend your turning the mirror toward yourself. Find out why you want to chase someone who mistreats you so badly. You are playing out a struggle from your own early life. You either felt abused and neglected by a parent and/or you watched your parents display this kind of push-pull pattern. Figure out your own piece of this puzzle, and heal your own wounds. In my book, Till Death Do Us Part (Unless I Kill You First), I have a long section in which I help the reader identify his/her own wounds and then I offer the steps to follow in order to heal each; the healing is tailored according to the wound we uncover. You can download the book right her at my site or buy it on Amazon. I urge you to do this work for yourself, or else I fear you will be chasing rainbows in the form of unavailable women for the rest of your life.

As you heal, you will likely find that this woman doesn't ring your chimes any more.