Not Able to Reach...

I hear your angst. I understand why you're stuck.

The first thing I want you to do is to shift your language. Instead of saying that you "can't" orgasm say you won't allow yourself.

This shift in language is extremely powerful. Why? The word can't tells your unconscious mind that the problem is beyond your control. Believe me, the unconscious mind is always listening to the messages we send ourselves. The messages can either dissolve our issuesIssues, in the words of the Serenity Prayer, are things you can change, either by making different personal choices and/or by finding ways to work with your partner more effectively. or make them more entrenched. When you say you can't orgasm, your unconscious hears the message that confirms that you can't. Won't or won't allow says what actually is going on; that your unconscious won't permit you to orgasm. This distinction is vital because won't is a volitional word, meaning you are making a choice; either you will or you won't allow yourself. When you accept that you're making a choice, then you can get down to the business of resolving the conflict so that you will allow yourself. See what I mean?

Now let's talk about the conflict. When you say "can't" know that can't is their word. I know you think it's your word, a reflection of your "disability." But can't is simply a word that speaks their perspective, you can't have orgasms. Orgasms are wrong. They shamed you for giving yourself pleasure and they told you that sex is wrong.

Do you see that you are being a "good" and obedient daughter by not allowing yourself to orgasm? Do you realize that you are listening to your parents speaking, the parents that live inside your mind. You're not alone. All humans swallow or internalize their parents' voices, attitudes, values and beliefs.

An essential part of growing up is letting go of the parts of your parents that are not healthy and keeping the parts that work for you.

To do this, you need to be able to tease out what's you and what's them. What are their thoughts, attitudes and beliefs and what are yours.

Making the distinction between you and them is tricky because oftentimes our parents' voices become so mingled with our own that we don't realize where they end and we begin. Oftentimes our parents' voices become "disembodied" from them. As adults, these parental voices and thoughts rattle around in our minds and we are fooled into thinking that these thoughts are our own.

To resolve your sexual inhibition, you need to psychologically separate from them:

1) To do this we must separate your voice from theirs. Each time you hear yourself thinking I can't have pleasure, you need to realize the thought is theirs not yours. Each time you hear yourself saying I can't, re-embody the thought and put it back onto your parents by saying to yourself, "Hi mom, hi dad. There you are with your prudish beliefs."

2) It's time to come clean (no pun intended) and rebel. You need to defy the parental voices that resound in your head, by saying aloud, "God made me for pleasure. It is my God-given right. Keep in mind that no baby ever came out of the womb saying you can't have pleasure. In fact, babies are born erotic. They rub themselves and give themselves pleasure all the time; that is until their parents ruin them with inhibitions.

3) I also want you to masturbate. From now on, before you get down, I want you to put them on notice by telling them that you are going to have pleasure, so there! Then send them out of the room! Do the same thing before you have sex.

The sheer act of stepping back and labeling whom is talking in your head and talking back to those voices is all that's needed to create a separation between you and them. This separation is the healing for you. Separation will give you room to come into your own skin and live as a healthy sexual being separate and apart from them.

When I hear reports of tremors in your state, you and I will both know that your pleasure is what's causing the earth to move!