Glossary

ChallengesChallenges are, in the words of the Serendipity prayer, "things you cannot change". The challenge is to have a joyful, fulfilling relationship in spite of them. are, in the words of the Serendipity prayer, "things you cannot change". The challenge is to have a joyful, fulfilling relationship in spite of them.

Breaking upBreaking up refers to the dissolution of a romantic love relationship. Many people have a tendency to break up in order to preempt or discharge unwanted or painful feelings. For example, if you are...(Click for full definition.) refers to the dissolution of a romantic love relationship. Many people have a tendency to break up in order to preempt or discharge unwanted or painful feelings. For example, if you are afraid of being rejected or abandoned by your partner, you might be inclined to precipitate a break up, to be in control of the ending. In other cases, couples may act on angry feelings and break up in the heat of the moment. It's always wise to fully reflect and be certain that the break up is not an impulsive act.

DivorceDivorce is a legal dissolution of the marriage bond. Many couples divorce themselves from each other on an emotional level long before a legal divorce is sought. As I say in my book, Till Death Do Us...(Click for full definition.) is a legal dissolution of the marriage bond. Many couples divorce themselves from each other on an emotional level long before a legal divorce is sought. As I say in my book, Till Death Do Us Part (Unless I Kill You First): A Step-by-Step Guide for Resolving Relationship Conflict, unresolved anger erodes love, which is the ultimate cause of divorce

Getting Counseling is a term that is used when a person seeks individual, couples, group or family therapy

Moving onMoving on refers to letting go of a prior relationship. The term usually implies a working through or resolution that enables a person to progress or move on to a new level of functioning. refers to letting go of a prior relationship. The term usually implies a working through or resolution that enables a person to progress or move on to a new level of functioning.

Trial separation refers to an unofficial separation in which a couple "tries" out living separately. During this process the couple may choose to have little or no contact. A trial separation often gives a couple the chance to cool off and re-approach their issuesIssues, in the words of the Serenity Prayer, are things you can change, either by making different personal choices and/or by finding ways to work with your partner more effectively. at a later time. Sometimes couples will meeting for conjoint therapy during their separation.

Blended families occur with second marriages or unions in which children from both partners' previous relationships are blended or joined together.

Family planning refers to the planning of when to have children and the use of birth control and other techniques to implement such plans. Other techniques commonly used include sexuality education, prevention and management of sexually transmitted infections, pre-conception counseling and management, and infertility management.

PaternityPaternity is a noun that refers to a man's role or status as father. is a noun that refers to a man's role or status as father.

PregnancyPregnancy is the carrying of one or more offspring, known as a fetus or embryo, inside the womb of a female. is the carrying of one or more offspring, known as a fetus or embryo, inside the womb of a female.

With the dramatic increase in divorceDivorce is a legal dissolution of the marriage bond. Many couples divorce themselves from each other on an emotional level long before a legal divorce is sought. As I say in my book, Till Death Do Us...(Click for full definition.) and remarriage over the last 20 years, blended families have become far more common.

There are many questions and concerns regarding how best to parent a stepchild, along with communication issuesIssues, in the words of the Serenity Prayer, are things you can change, either by making different personal choices and/or by finding ways to work with your partner more effectively. between ex-husbands, ex-wives, stepfathers and stepmothers. As if that

AgingAging refers to the process of changing with time, especially during the later part of life. There is chronological age, which is numeric and the biological age, which refers to the BMI (Body Mass...(Click for full definition.) refers to the process of changing with time, especially during the later part of life. There is chronological age, which is numeric and the biological age, which refers to the BMI (Body Mass Index) based on your weight and body fat, general health (especially digestion and immune system), outlook on life, mental health, toxic load based on your diet, smoking, alcohol and the environment in which you live and lifestyle including relationships, exercise and sexual habits.

Chronic illness is a disease that has a prolonged course, does not resolve spontaneously, and rarely is completely cured. Typical examples include cancer, heart disease, diabetesDiabetes mellitus is a condition in which the pancreas no longer produces enough insulin or when cells stop responding to the insulin that is produced, so that glucose in the blood cannot be absorbed...(Click for full definition.), and arthritis. These illnesses are usually more common as a population ages. In the United States, as in most developed countries, chronic diseases account for approximately 70 percent of all deaths, and a similar proportion of all health care costs. Recent analyses have shown chronic illnesses to be a more important cause of the burden of disease in developing countries than was previously recognized.

A psychiatric disorder characterized by an inability to concentrate, insomnia, loss of appetite, anhedonia (chronic inability to perceive pleasure), feelings of extreme sadness, guilt, helplessness and hopelessness, and thoughts of death. Also called clinical depressionA psychiatric disorder characterized by an inability to concentrate, insomnia, loss of appetite, anhedonia (chronic inability to perceive pleasure), feelings of extreme sadness, guilt, helplessness...(Click for full definition.). Depression can be caused by various health conditions. Even buried anger can resurface as depression.

DiabetesDiabetes mellitus is a condition in which the pancreas no longer produces enough insulin or when cells stop responding to the insulin that is produced, so that glucose in the blood cannot be absorbed...(Click for full definition.) mellitus is a condition in which the pancreas no longer produces enough insulin or when cells stop responding to the insulin that is produced, so that glucose in the blood cannot be absorbed into the cells of the body. Symptoms include frequent urination, lethargy, excessive thirst, and hunger. The treatment includes changes in diet, oral medications, and in some cases, daily injections of insulin. In type two, adult onset diabetes, a person may be able to regulate insulin production by diet and exercise and by taking insulin moderating nutrients such as chromium, vanadium, boron, gemnema sylvestre, and cinnamon.

MenopauseMenopause represents the end of menstruation. While technically it refers to the final period, it is not an abrupt event, but a gradual process. Menopause is not a disease that needs to be cured, but...(Click for full definition.) represents the end of menstruation. While technically it refers to the final period, it is not an abrupt event, but a gradual process. Menopause is not a disease that needs to be cured, but a natural life-stage transition. Some women opt to take HRT (hormone replacement therapies, either bio-identical or synthetic) to ease the symptoms. Exercise, proper diet, including avoidanceAvoidance is a method of dealing with conflict that attempts to avoid directly confronting the issue at hand. Methods of doing this can include changing the subject, putting off a discussion until...(Click for full definition.) of sugar, white flour and alcohol, and nutritional supplementation helps most women in the transition.

A mood disorder is the term given for a group of diagnoses in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM IV TR) classification system where a disturbance in the person's mood is hypothesized to be the main underlying feature. The classification is known as mood (affective) disorders in ICD 10.

English psychiatrist Henry Maudsley proposed an overarching category of affective disorder. The term was then replaced by mood disorder, as the latter term refers to the underlying or longitudinal emotional state, whereas the former refers to the external expression observed by others.

Two groups of mood disorders are broadly recognized; the division is based on whether the person has ever had a manic or hypomanic episode. Thus, there are depressive disorders, of which the best known and most researched is major depressive disorder (MDD) commonly called clinical depressionA psychiatric disorder characterized by an inability to concentrate, insomnia, loss of appetite, anhedonia (chronic inability to perceive pleasure), feelings of extreme sadness, guilt, helplessness...(Click for full definition.) or major depression, and bipolar disorder (BD), formerly known as "manic depression" and described by intermittent periods of manic and depressed episodes.

ObesityObesity is an abnormal accumulation of body fat, usually 20% or more over an individual's ideal body weight. Obesity is associated with increased risk of illness, disability, and death. is an abnormal accumulation of body fat, usually 20% or more over an individual's ideal body weight. Obesity is associated with increased risk of illness, disability, and death.

DiabetesDiabetes mellitus is a condition in which the pancreas no longer produces enough insulin or when cells stop responding to the insulin that is produced, so that glucose in the blood cannot be absorbed...(Click for full definition.) mellitus is a condition in which the pancreas no longer produces enough insulin or when cells stop responding to the insulin that is produced, so that glucose in the blood cannot be absorbed into the cells of the body. Symptoms include frequent urination, lethargy, excessive thirst, and hunger. The treatment includes changes in diet, oral medications, and in some cases, daily injections of insulin. In type two, adult onset diabetes, a person may be able to regulate insulin production by diet and exercise and by taking insulin moderating nutrients such as chromium, vanadium, boron, gemnema sylvestre, and cinnamon.

Financial stress refers to the worries associated with money.

Long distance relationshipsLong distance relationships refers to romantic relationships that are conducted at a distance. With the advent of internet dating, more and more people are developing attachments to people who live...(Click for full definition.) refers to romantic relationships that are conducted at a distance. With the advent of internet dating, more and more people are developing attachments to people who live far away. In addition to the obvious difficulties associated with distance, such relationships commonly trigger deep-seated wounds that lay dormant inside of us. For example, if someone has abandonmentAbandonment is a legal term describing the failure of a non-custodial parent to provide support to his or her children according to the terms approved by a court of law. In common use, abandonment...(Click for full definition.) fears, being separated from a long distance lover will heighten these fears. Likewise, jealousyTo resolve jealousy, one must identify the emotional issues that trigger it. Jealousy can be defined as the fear of being replaced by another. In other words, jealousy is really the fear of...(Click for full definition.) will be increased as a result of the loved one being out of sight. In my own practice, I have also noticed the prevalence of distortion and transference, much like what occurs in therapy. For example, when a patient lies on the couch and doesn’t visually see the therapist, it’s easier to distort and transfer old feelings onto the therapist. In no time, the therapist becomes the parent, and with this transference comes a flood of old, and often negative, feelings from childhood. Similarly, when lovers don’t see each other face to face, it is easier for them to fall into transference distortions that lead to fighting. Texting, which is also a common mode of communication in long distance relationships also fosters these distortions and leads to fighting. When possible, I encourage long distance couples to Skype and see each other face to face to avoid these risks.

A health crisisA health crisis refers to a health problem that is acute. Sometimes a health crisis will trigger a healing crisis in which a person changes his/her lifestyle in order to change the underlying habits...(Click for full definition.) refers to a health problem that is acute. Sometimes a health crisis will trigger a healing crisis in which a person changes his/her lifestyle in order to change the underlying habits or factors that contributed to the health problem. For example, a smoker may discover a spot on his lung, which triggers the quitting of smoking.

Lost employment refers to the involuntary losing of one's job.

Oftentimes, alcohol or drug addiction is fraught with periodic relapses in which the addict begins using the offending substance again.

The act of engaging or the state of being engaged, also known as betrothal. During this period, a couple has a good opportunity to explore their relationship and deepen their connection.

Family members by marriage

The practice or condition of having a single sexual partner during a period of time.

An open relationship is a committed relationship in which the partners are free to have emotional and/or physical relationships with other partners, often within mutually agreed limits. If a couple in an open relationship are married, it can be called an open marriage.

Same-sex marriage (also called gay marriage) is a legally or socially recognized marriage between two persons of the same biological sex or social gender. Same-sex marriage is a civil rights, political, social, moral, and religious issue in many nations. The conflict arises over whether same-sex couples should be allowed to enter into marriage, be required to use a different status (such as a civil union, which usually grants fewer rights), or not have any such rights. A related issue is whether the term "marriage" should be applied.

Age differences refer to a gap in gap between two partners. Age difference can prove problematic for a couple especially when there is a wide disparity in age, and the difference leads to incompatibility of values, tastes, interests or even level of energy.

Couples may conflict over one partner's lack of available timeCouples may conflict over one partner's lack of available time. Lack of time can be used as an excuse, a smoke screen that conceals deeper issues such as fear of intimacy or un-communicated anger....(Click for full definition.). Lack of time can be used as an excuse, a smoke screen that conceals deeper issuesIssues, in the words of the Serenity Prayer, are things you can change, either by making different personal choices and/or by finding ways to work with your partner more effectively. such as fear of intimacyThe causes of fear of intimacy are nearly identical to the fear of commitment. See Fear of Commitment or un-communicated anger. For example, one member of a couple might say that he has no available time to spend with his partner, when actually he is really saying, "I'm afraid to get too close or I'm angry and pulling away."

IssuesIssues, in the words of the Serenity Prayer, are things you can change, either by making different personal choices and/or by finding ways to work with your partner more effectively. between partners can arise from conflicting expectations of male and female behavior and relationship roles that have been defined by the partner

Disparities in the level of attraction can be problematic for a couple. According to research, couples experience the greatest satisfaction when both partners are well matched in terms of their level of attraction to each other and also share a similar level of sexual drive.

Disparities in the level of commitmentFear of commitment is a common source of conflict for couples. Commitmentphobia is often most strongly apparent in romantic life. Generally, commitmentphobic people claim that they are eager to find...(Click for full definition.) can be problematic for a couple. Couples experience the greatest satisfaction when both are similar in their level of commitment to each other and the relationship.

The term molar needsThe term molar needs refer to each partner's need for intimacy-distance within a relationship. Couples who are similar in terms of the amount of time they wish to spend together and apart are the...(Click for full definition.) refer to each partner's need for intimacyAn intimate relationship is a particularly close interpersonal relationship. It can be defined by these characteristics: enduring behavioral interdependence, repeated interactions, emotional...(Click for full definition.)-distance within a relationship. Couples who are similar in terms of the amount of time they wish to spend together and apart are the most happily mated.

The need for romanceRomance is defined as ardent emotional attachment or involvement between people; love. Keeping romance alive is an ongoing process. The best way to maintain or rekindle romance is to discover each...(Click for full definition.) refers to the gestures that one partner uses to express emotional attachment to the other. Women tend to require more expressions of affectionAffection is defined as fond attachment, devotion or love. Couples are most compatible when they are equally matched in terms of their needs for displays or expressions of affection. and signs of romantic love. This need may be driven by a biological need to be assured that her partner is devoted and will not abandon her and her offspring.

Racial differencesRacial differences generally become problematic in intimate relationships because they often lead to value conflicts. Since values make up the core of an individual, partners must simply accept and...(Click for full definition.) generally become problematic in intimate relationships because they often lead to value conflicts. Since values make up the core of an individual, partners must simply accept and respect but not try to change each other's values.

Religious differences are very similar to racial differencesRacial differences generally become problematic in intimate relationships because they often lead to value conflicts. Since values make up the core of an individual, partners must simply accept and...(Click for full definition.) and social/cultural differences in the kinds of issuesIssues, in the words of the Serenity Prayer, are things you can change, either by making different personal choices and/or by finding ways to work with your partner more effectively. that can cause disagreement and disharmony between partners. Religious views tend to be tightly bound to ethnic and cultural identity and it is often hard to separate them. In some instances, such as certain rules pertaining to marriage outside the religion, marriage vows, pre-marital sex, gender roles, and even things like birth control, the origin within the religion is clear. While many people today may not consider themselves rigid followers of the religion they were raised in, nonetheless these moral codes may be deeply rooted in one's unconscious and still affect their relationships.

IssuesIssues, in the words of the Serenity Prayer, are things you can change, either by making different personal choices and/or by finding ways to work with your partner more effectively. , in the words of the Serenity Prayer, are things you can change, either by making different personal choices and/or by finding ways to work with your partner more effectively.

ArgumentsArguments or disputes are inevitable in all intimate relationships. How a couple handles these conflicts will determine whether their relationship is satisfactory or not. Ultimately, improperly...(Click for full definition.) or disputes are inevitable in all intimate relationships. How a couple handles these conflicts will determine whether their relationship is satisfactory or not. Ultimately, improperly handled conflicts lead to chronic resentmentResentment is anger that has ossified into resentment. When you find yourself holding on to a resentment it is generally because you have not felt properly heard and understood by your partner....(Click for full definition.) and erode love. In my book "Till Death Do Us Part (Unless I Kill You first)" I examine the causes of arguments and how they get out of control and offer specific methods for establishing greater communication and harmony.

AvoidanceAvoidance is a method of dealing with conflict that attempts to avoid directly confronting the issue at hand. Methods of doing this can include changing the subject, putting off a discussion until...(Click for full definition.) is a method of dealing with conflict that attempts to avoid directly confronting the issue at hand. Methods of doing this can include changing the subject, putting off a discussion until later, or simply not bringing up the subject of contention. Conflict avoidance can be used as a temporary measure to buy time or as permanent means of disposing of a matter. The latter may be indistinguishable from simple acquiescence to the other party, to the extent that the person avoiding the conflict subordinates their own wishes to the party with whom they have the conflict. However, conflict avoidance can also take the form of withdrawing from the relationship. Thus, avoidance scenarios can be either: win-lose; lose-lose; or possibly even win-win, if terminating the relationship is the best method of solving the problem.
The term "conflict avoidance" is sometimes used to describe conflict prevention. Turner and Weed classify concealment as one of the three main types of responses to conflict, describing concealers as those who take no risk and so say nothing, concealing their views and feelings. Concealers are further divided into three types; namely, feeling-swallowers, subject-changers and avoiders:
Feeling-swallowers smile even if the situation is causing them pain and distress. They behave thus because they consider the approval of other people important and feel that it would be dangerous to affront them by revealing their true feelings.
Subject-changers find the real issue too difficult to handle so they change the topic by finding something on which there can be some agreement with the conflicting party. According to Turner and Weed, this response style usually does not solve the problem; instead, it can create problems for the people who use this and for the organization in which such people are working.

Avoiders simply go out of their way to avoid conflicts.

Examples of controllingExamples of controlling behavior include within an intimate relationship include: one partner isolating the other from his/her friends or family; not letting ythe partner go out of the house, to the...(Click for full definition.) behavior include within an intimate relationship include: one partner isolating the other from his/her friends or family; not letting ythe partner go out of the house, to the grocery store, mall, post office or to see relatives without him/her; not letting the partner talk to close friends or relatives; blaming the partner for things that are irrelevant, ie. not picking the right food to cook for dinner, not cleaning something in the house, etc." Demanding that the partner hand over his/her paycheck, show receipts for what was bought, or making the partner live on an allowance. Controlling behavior can also include emotional abuse, such as putting the partner down, name-calling, and saying that the other is worthless or crazy, and/or physical abuse, such as pushing, shoving, slapping, hitting, kicking, spitting or punching. Seek professional help at once if any or all of the above behaviors exist in your relationship.

In my book, Till Death Do Us Part (Unless I Kill You First), I coined the expression Fight TrapsIn my book, Till Death Do Us Part (Unless I Kill You First), I coined the expression Fight Traps to describe the faulty, dysfunctional fighting tactics that most couples employ. I divide Fight Traps...(Click for full definition.) to describe the faulty, dysfunctional fighting tactics that most couples employ. I divide Fight Traps into two groups: Open and Secret Warfare. Open Warfare includes name-calling, blaming, character assassination, and many others. Secret Warfare includes, guilt-tripping, silent treatment, forgetting, etc.

TrivializingTrivializing is a behavioral pattern in which one partner dismisses the other person's feelings or reality. This is an act of aggression against the partner who is attempting to be heard and...(Click for full definition.) is a behavioral pattern in which one partner dismisses the other person's feelings or reality. This is an act of aggression against the partner who is attempting to be heard and understood.

Walking awayWalking away is a withdrawal behavior that may signify ANS arousal, which triggers the fight-flight response. As I explain in Till Death Do Us Part (Unless I Kill You First)), men's bodies are...(Click for full definition.) is a withdrawal behavior that may signify ANS arousal, which triggers the fight-flight response. As I explain in Till Death Do Us Part (Unless I Kill You First)), men's bodies are hyper-reactive to stress and danger. When chronic relationship conflict occurs, men remain in a perpetual state of fight-flight. Since most men don't want to physically fight their wives or girlfriend's, they withdraw or walk away. My book shows how to break this pattern.

Raising one's voice during a conflict is a dysfunctional way of behaving. No matter how angry you are, it's vital to learn to control your impulses and never deliver raw rage to another person. When angry, you must instead calmly describe what was said or done, how you feel about it and what you would prefer.

Abusing children can refer to physical violence, sexual, or psychological maltreatment or a child. While physical forms of abuse are usually unambiguous, psychological abuse is far more insidious and can have wider ranging, more damaging effects on a child's development. The forms of psychological abuse are too many to be listed here, but include neglectNeglect occurs when you or your partner ignore the other person's needs, feelings and wishes. Neglecting someone is the ultimate expression of anger, a way of punishing the other by withholding,...(Click for full definition.), withholding love, dismissal, extreme ridicule, insults, and more. Today it is even considered that all forms of family dysfunction are a kind of abuse and can exacerbate such conditions a PTSD, anxiety, depressionA psychiatric disorder characterized by an inability to concentrate, insomnia, loss of appetite, anhedonia (chronic inability to perceive pleasure), feelings of extreme sadness, guilt, helplessness...(Click for full definition.), and worse. In a sense, all abuse is ultimately psychological since it is these psychological and emotional wounds from physical abuse that linger and fester in one's psyche long after the physical bruises have healed.

BetrayalBetrayal refers to emotional or physical infidelity. When betrayal occurs, emotions run very hot. Calming down and then speaking about the feelings that lie beneath the anger and outrage (hurt,...(Click for full definition.) refers to emotional or physical infidelity. When betrayal occurs, emotions run very hot. Calming down and then speaking about the feelings that lie beneath the anger and outrage (hurt, sadness, etc.) and direct admission of needs encourage a more productive discussion and path the path to resolution.

Marital infidelity or cheatingSee Infidelity. can be seen as a behavioral expression of anger. The cheater is saying to his/her spouse, "Screw you, you didn't meet my needs so I'm paying you back by going elsewhere." While this is not the proper way to handle the angry feelings, one must resist the urge to fall into the blame game and pointing the finger at the cheater. One of the hardest things for the partner who has been betrayed is to resist becoming the innocent victim and instead look at his/her role in the infidelity. In other words, the partner who was cheated on needs to be able to say, "How did I fail you. What did I do to make you so unhappy with me." If the betrayed partner is willing to do this, truly hear what he or she is told and make changes, the marriage can be saved. At the same time, the cheater must commit to talking about his/her issuesIssues, in the words of the Serenity Prayer, are things you can change, either by making different personal choices and/or by finding ways to work with your partner more effectively. of discontent and not acting out in the future.

Running awayRunning away can be an expression of avoidance. It can also be a sign of ANS arousal (see Walking Away). can be an expression of avoidanceAvoidance is a method of dealing with conflict that attempts to avoid directly confronting the issue at hand. Methods of doing this can include changing the subject, putting off a discussion until...(Click for full definition.). It can also be a sign of ANS arousal (see Walking AwayWalking away is a withdrawal behavior that may signify ANS arousal, which triggers the fight-flight response. As I explain in Till Death Do Us Part (Unless I Kill You First)), men's bodies are...(Click for full definition.)).

AbandonmentAbandonment is a legal term describing the failure of a non-custodial parent to provide support to his or her children according to the terms approved by a court of law. In common use, abandonment...(Click for full definition.) is a legal term describing the failure of a non-custodial parent to provide support to his or her children according to the terms approved by a court of law. In common use, abandonment refers to the desertion of a child by a parent.

There are other forms of emotional abandonment that are equally destructive. In many cases a person will abandon a partner because he or she is afraid of being abandoned. In a preemptive strike, the abandoner leaves before being dumped. Fear of abandonment in adult relationships is always caused by childhood abandonment. Read my archived articles on this topic for healing advice.

Physical abuse involves harming another person's physical self. Seek help if you are the victim or perpetrator of physical abuse.

Verbal abuseVerbal abuse (also called reviling) is a form of abusive behavior involving the use of language. It is a form of profanity that can occur with or without the use of expletives. While oral...(Click for full definition.) includes name-calling, put downs and character insults. None of these behaviors are acceptable. They must not be tolerated. Seek help if you are the victim or perpetrator of verbal abuse.

See Infidelity.

Codependency or codependenceCodependency or codependence is a tendency to behave in overly passive or excessively caretaking ways that negatively impact one's relationships and quality of life. It also often involves putting...(Click for full definition.) is a tendency to behave in overly passive or excessively caretaking ways that negatively impact one's relationships and quality of life. It also often involves putting one's needs at a lower priority than others while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others. Codependency can occur in any type of relationship, including in families, at work, in friendships, and also in romantic, peer or community relationships. Codependency may also be characterized by denial, low self-esteem, excessive compliance, and or control patterns.

Codependency describes behavior, thoughts and feelings that go beyond normal kinds of self-sacrifice or care taking. For example parenting is a role that requires a certain amount of self-sacrifice and giving a child's needs a high priority, although a parent could nevertheless still be codependent towards their own children if the care taking or parental sacrifice reached unhealthy or destructive levels. Generally a parent who takes care of their own needs (emotional and physical) in a healthy way will be a better caretaker, whereas a codependent parent may be less effective, or may even do harm to a child.

Codependency does not refer to all caring behavior or feelings, but only those that are excessive to an unhealthy degree.

Pseudologia fantastica, mythomania, or pathological lyingA lie (also called prevarication, falsehood) is a known untruth expressed as truth. A lie is a type of deception in the form of an untruthful statement, especially with the intention to deceive...(Click for full definition.) is one of several terms applied to the behavior of habitual or compulsive lyingPseudologia fantastica, mythomania, or pathological lying is one of several terms applied to the behavior of habitual or compulsive lying. It was first described in the medical literature in 1891 by...(Click for full definition.). It was first described in the medical literature in 1891 by Anton Delbrueck Although it is a controversial topic, one definition of pathological lying is the following: "Pathological lying is falsification entirely disproportionate to any discernible end in view, may be extensive and very complicated, and may manifest over a period of years or even a lifetime."

Oftentimes people learn to lie in childhood in order to avoid punishment. This pattern then continues into adulthood. In order to resolve the pattern, the liar must feel rewarded for having the courage to tell the truth.

Grudge holding refers to the habit of holding on to resentmentResentment is anger that has ossified into resentment. When you find yourself holding on to a resentment it is generally because you have not felt properly heard and understood by your partner....(Click for full definition.) and thoughts of revenge, which leads to hostility and relationship destruction. Holding on to an issue can be a sign that the overt issue conceals an unrecognized old wound from childhood. Identifying and healing the old wound often allows a person to let go of the grudge. Advantages of letting go include: Greater spiritual and psychological well-being; less stress and hostility; lower blood pressure; fewer symptoms of depressionA psychiatric disorder characterized by an inability to concentrate, insomnia, loss of appetite, anhedonia (chronic inability to perceive pleasure), feelings of extreme sadness, guilt, helplessness...(Click for full definition.), anxiety and chronic pain; lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse and happier relationships.

ManipulationManipulation means shrewd or devious management, especially for one's own advantage. Many people use manipulation rather than direct communications of their needs and wishes. This is a behavioral...(Click for full definition.) means shrewd or devious management, especially for one's own advantage. Many people use manipulation rather than direct communications of their needs and wishes. This is a behavioral trait that is embedded in a person's character or personality, which means it is very difficult to resolve.

Passive aggressionPassive aggression is a personality disorder in which the angry individual expresses anger passively by withholding what he/she knows the other person wants. Lateness and "forgetting" are common...(Click for full definition.) is a personality disorder in which the angry individual expresses anger passively by withholding what he/she knows the other person wants. Lateness and "forgetting" are common forms of passive aggression. Since this pattern is embedded in a person's character structure, it is very difficult to resolve. If the person wishes to resolve the pattern, he/she must commit to observing the urge to engage in these behaviors and then making the conscious choice to speak directly rather than withhold.

Power struggles (vying for control or the upper hand) are common in intimate relationships. It is important to understand the underlying issuesIssues, in the words of the Serenity Prayer, are things you can change, either by making different personal choices and/or by finding ways to work with your partner more effectively. that cause these struggles. The need to take control and assume power over another is the result of various unresolved childhood wounds. Here's one possible scenario. If a person was dominated in childhood, he or she will come to adulthood feeling frightened of being taken over, and may become tyrannical and controllingExamples of controlling behavior include within an intimate relationship include: one partner isolating the other from his/her friends or family; not letting ythe partner go out of the house, to the...(Click for full definition.) in order to protect a fragile identity. In order to resolve a power struggle, it is vital to identify the underlying emotional issues and fears that fuel that it.

SabotageSabotage refers to the conscious and unconscious ways that a person or a couple will undermine their relationship by engaging in various destructive actions. For example, someone who is afraid of...(Click for full definition.) refers to the conscious and unconscious ways that a person or a couple will undermine their relationship by engaging in various destructive actions. For example, someone who is afraid of being close, you may unconsciously or consciously fall into a pattern of arriving late for dates with your partner. The lateness pushes your partner away from you, providing the emotional distance that makes you feel safer, but ultimately sabotages your relationship.

The causes of fear of intimacyThe causes of fear of intimacy are nearly identical to the fear of commitment. See Fear of Commitment are nearly identical to the fear of commitmentFear of commitment is invariably caused by wounds suffered in childhood. Fear of commitment can be caused by a deeper fear of being taken over, devoured, wiped out, and/or trapped and unable to get...(Click for full definition.). See Fear of Commitment

Difficulty committingDifficulty committing can be caused by any number of fears, including fear of closeness and intimacy, fear of loss through death or abandonment, etc. Oftentimes previous relationship disappointments...(Click for full definition.) can be caused by any number of fears, including fear of closeness and intimacyAn intimate relationship is a particularly close interpersonal relationship. It can be defined by these characteristics: enduring behavioral interdependence, repeated interactions, emotional...(Click for full definition.), fear of loss through death or abandonmentAbandonment is a legal term describing the failure of a non-custodial parent to provide support to his or her children according to the terms approved by a court of law. In common use, abandonment...(Click for full definition.), etc. Oftentimes previous relationship disappointments can leave a person shell-shocked and afraid to commit again. Talking over the fears that cause the resistance or difficulty in committing can often be all that's needed to resolve the problem.

Fear of commitmentFear of commitment is invariably caused by wounds suffered in childhood. Fear of commitment can be caused by a deeper fear of being taken over, devoured, wiped out, and/or trapped and unable to get...(Click for full definition.) is invariably caused by wounds suffered in childhood. Fear of commitment can be caused by a deeper fear of being taken over, devoured, wiped out, and/or trapped and unable to get free. These fears, in turn, are the symptom of a deeper problem, which is an incompletely developed self that lacks clear ego boundaries. The most common causes of a weak sense of self are: 1) having been bullied, abused, controlled, manipulated or overpowered by a parent during childhood. At some point in early life, the person with a weak sense of self learned that to speak up for him or herself meant to risk being harmed emotionally or physically. Outright threats that love will be withdrawn, humiliation for stating one’s feelings, or outright physical or emotional punishment are sufficient to teach a child that it’s not safe to set limits for him or herself. Adult children of alcoholics commonly suffer this problem. As an adult, such people find an intimate bond to be terrifying, since deep intimacyAn intimate relationship is a particularly close interpersonal relationship. It can be defined by these characteristics: enduring behavioral interdependence, repeated interactions, emotional...(Click for full definition.) and commitment is seen as a death sentence, an outright destruction of the self.

Other causes of fear of commitment may include: fear of rejectionWe all have the fear of being rejected by others to some degree: this is a normal and healthy human concern as we are highly social animals that need others of our kind to survive. However, this fear...(Click for full definition.) and fear of separation, loss or abandonmentAbandonment is a legal term describing the failure of a non-custodial parent to provide support to his or her children according to the terms approved by a court of law. In common use, abandonment...(Click for full definition.). Sometimes these fears are caused by having already been burned, meaning a person has observed commitment gone bad in his/her parents’ marriage and/or the person has already experienced a committed relationship that went sour.

To resolve jealousyTo resolve jealousy, one must identify the emotional issues that trigger it. Jealousy can be defined as the fear of being replaced by another. In other words, jealousy is really the fear of...(Click for full definition.), one must identify the emotional issuesIssues, in the words of the Serenity Prayer, are things you can change, either by making different personal choices and/or by finding ways to work with your partner more effectively. that trigger it. Jealousy can be defined as the fear of being replaced by another. In other words, jealousy is really the fear of abandonmentAbandonment is a legal term describing the failure of a non-custodial parent to provide support to his or her children according to the terms approved by a court of law. In common use, abandonment...(Click for full definition.). To resolve a fear of abandonment, it is necessary to trace the fear back to its origins in childhood and work through the hurt and anger that still remains from the original wound. Early abandonment damages the self-esteem; this explains why a person who was abandoned fears being left as an adult. Deep down he/she feels unworthy of love. Healing the self-esteem by surrounding oneself with loving and caring people and improving self-talk is a necessary step to overcoming jealousy.

NegativityNegativity is caused by angry feelings that aren't being properly addressed and resolved. The result is a generally negative attitude. Learning to identify and communicate your needs in a...(Click for full definition.) is caused by angry feelings that aren't being properly addressed and resolved. The result is a generally negative attitude. Learning to identify and communicate your needs in a constructive way, will insure that your needs are met more often than not. This is the best way to short-circuit angry and negative feelings.

NeglectNeglect occurs when you or your partner ignore the other person's needs, feelings and wishes. Neglecting someone is the ultimate expression of anger, a way of punishing the other by withholding,...(Click for full definition.) occurs when you or your partner ignore the other person's needs, feelings and wishes. Neglecting someone is the ultimate expression of anger, a way of punishing the other by withholding, neglectful acts. Those who neglect their partners were often neglected themselves in childhood. Neglecting your partner may be an unconscious way to release anger toward a neglectful parent. Neglecting your partner may also be a way of discharging your own pain by "giving" it over to someone else

The central theme of Bowen Family Systems Theory is the concept of differentiation, which refers to the degree to which a person is able to be his or her own person, to emotionally differentiate his or herself within a relationship.

The partner who "overfunctions" takes greater responsibility in the relationship or in the family system. The overfunctioning person feels responsible for the emotional well-being of the other, and attempts to make up for perceived deficiency in the other

PassivityPassivity is a personality trait that develops early in life and is difficult to resolve. A passive partner will often bond with a dominant partner, which can compensate for the deficit. The passive...(Click for full definition.) is a personality trait that develops early in life and is difficult to resolve. A passive partner will often bond with a dominant partner, which can compensate for the deficit. The passive partner will often feel wiped out and controlled by the other. Angry feelings can result, but these feelings will likely be expressed passively or indirectly. There is a danger that the dominant partner may retaliate or abuse the passive member of the couple.

PossessivenessPossessiveness is a behavior that is symptomatic of a fear of losing one's partner. One way of reacting to the fear of losing a partner is to become possessive or clingy. Clingy behavior tends to...(Click for full definition.) is a behavior that is symptomatic of a fear of losing one's partner. One way of reacting to the fear of losing a partner is to become possessive or clingy. Clingy behavior tends to repel the other and triggers more fear and possessive behavior. The only way to break the vicious cycle is to identify and heal the abandonmentAbandonment is a legal term describing the failure of a non-custodial parent to provide support to his or her children according to the terms approved by a court of law. In common use, abandonment...(Click for full definition.) wound that continues to fuel the fear of loss.

ResentmentResentment is anger that has ossified into resentment. When you find yourself holding on to a resentment it is generally because you have not felt properly heard and understood by your partner....(Click for full definition.) is anger that has ossified into resentment. When you find yourself holding on to a resentment it is generally because you have not felt properly heard and understood by your partner. Learning how to properly communicate your thoughts and feelings is the best way to insure that you get heard, which will allow you to feel resolved and move on. If you are properly heard and you still find yourself holding the resentment, then you are likely dealing with an unhealed wound from childhood. What occurs on an emotional level is similar to the "Lake Effect." Just as a storm grows in intensity as it picks up moisture from the Great Lakes, the mind associates present day offences with similar events from childhood. When the present day offense mingles with painful events from the past, fireworks go off inside us; then we overreact and can't shake the feeling. This is another way in which resentments are born. In which case, you will need to identify and heal the early wounds to shake the resentment.

see Overfunctioning

The wandering eye is a common source of fighting between couples. It can help women to know that men are not monogamous by nature. Love makes a man settle down and commit, but it doesn't blind his eyes, which will always be inclined to look at other women.

AffectionAffection is defined as fond attachment, devotion or love. Couples are most compatible when they are equally matched in terms of their needs for displays or expressions of affection. is defined as fond attachment, devotion or love. Couples are most compatible when they are equally matched in terms of their needs for displays or expressions of affection.

Fear of commitmentFear of commitment is invariably caused by wounds suffered in childhood. Fear of commitment can be caused by a deeper fear of being taken over, devoured, wiped out, and/or trapped and unable to get...(Click for full definition.) is a common source of conflict for couples. Commitmentphobia is often most strongly apparent in romantic life. Generally, commitmentphobic people claim that they are eager to find a lasting romantic attachment and get married, yet they fail to find appropriate partners and maintain longlasting connections. Ironically, in these romantic relationships, the commitmentphobic partner craves what he/she fears most: love and connection. This paradoxical craving for a frightening reality leads to a confusing and destructive pattern of seduction and rejection. The results are emotionally devastating.
The key to understanding commitmentphobia is recognizing that such behavior is rooted in fear

Emotional disclosure refers to act of opening up and sharing one's internal emotional life. Creating a safe, non-judgmental environment and patient listening creates the proper climate for self-disclosure.

Many people believe that "honestyMany people believe that "honesty is the best policy" in intimate relationships. Nothing could be further from the truth. Practicing this philosophy by speaking your mind at all costs may cost you...(Click for full definition.) is the best policy" in intimate relationships. Nothing could be further from the truth. Practicing this philosophy by speaking your mind at all costs may cost you your relationship. A better approach is to only say what you know will be helpful to your partner and your relationship. If what you feel like saying won't be helpful or constructive, button your lips!

An intimate relationship is a particularly close interpersonal relationship. It can be defined by these characteristics: enduring behavioral interdependence, repeated interactions, emotional attachment, and need fulfillment.

Intimate relationships play a central role in the overall human experience.] Humans have a universal need to belong and to love, which is satisfied when an intimate relationship is formed. Intimate relationships consist of the people that we are attracted to, whom we like and love, romantic and sexual relationships, and those whom we marry and provide and receive emotional and personal support from. Intimate relationships provide people with a social network of people that provide strong emotional attachments and fulfill our universal needs of belongingness and the need to be cared for.

The systematic study of intimate relationships is a relatively new area of research within the field of social psychology that has emerged within the last few decades. Although the systematic study of intimate relationships is fairly recent, social thought and analysis of intimate relationships dates back to early Greek philosophers. Early scholarly studies were also interested in intimate relationships but were limited to dyads or small groups of people in the public and narrowly examined behaviors such as competing and cooperation, negotiation and bargaining and compliance and resistance.

Physical intimacyAn intimate relationship is a particularly close interpersonal relationship. It can be defined by these characteristics: enduring behavioral interdependence, repeated interactions, emotional...(Click for full definition.) is characterized by romantic or passionate love and attachment, or sexual activity.

PatiencePatience is the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without acting on annoyance/anger in a negative way; or exhibiting...(Click for full definition.) is the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without acting on annoyance/anger in a negative way; or exhibiting forbearance when under strain, especially when faced with longer-term difficulties. It is also used to refer to the character trait of being steadfast.

RomanceRomance is defined as ardent emotional attachment or involvement between people; love. Keeping romance alive is an ongoing process. The best way to maintain or rekindle romance is to discover each...(Click for full definition.) is defined as ardent emotional attachment or involvement between people; love. Keeping romance alive is an ongoing process. The best way to maintain or rekindle romance is to discover each other's love language. According to author Gary Chapman there are 5 basic love languages. These include:

Words of Affirmation?
Actions don

Mutual trustMutual trust is a shared belief that you can depend on each other to achieve a common purpose. More comprehensively trust defined as "the willingness of a party (trustor) to be vulnerable to the...(Click for full definition.) is a shared belief that you can depend on each other to achieve a common purpose.

More comprehensively trust defined as "the willingness of a party (trustor) to be vulnerable to the actions of another party (trustee) based on the expectation that the trustee will perform an action important to the trustor, regardless of the trustor's ability to monitor or control the trustee."

"People sense how you feel about them. If you want to change their attitudes toward you, change the negative attitudes you have toward them." Building relationships requires the building of trust. Trust is the expectancy of people that they can rely on your word. It is built through integrity and consistency in relationships.

There comes a point in every caring and loving relationship when ex-flames need to be discussed. Each partner will probably have a past history that they may or may not be too happy to talk about. Your partner may have reached a different level of sexual intimacyAn intimate relationship is a particularly close interpersonal relationship. It can be defined by these characteristics: enduring behavioral interdependence, repeated interactions, emotional...(Click for full definition.) with his/her ex than you had with yours. And there are always questions on the other person's mind. So it's better to sort them out first so that your relationship can progress without any doubts. Here's a guide to dealing with that tricky conversation.

HANDLE IT WITH CAUTION
You find yourself lyingA lie (also called prevarication, falsehood) is a known untruth expressed as truth. A lie is a type of deception in the form of an untruthful statement, especially with the intention to deceive...(Click for full definition.) in bed with your partner one night, enjoying a romantic evening and then suddenly, he/she asks, "How many lovers have you been with? Tell me honestly."

Don't be alarmed, as this is a common question that comes up in most relationships. You just have to decide how you want to handle the question. It is said that men always manipulate the figure by adding two to their total, whereas women generally subtract two. If you feel comfortable enough to reveal the truth, then you should. However, keep in mind that you cannot control how your partner may react

Family of origin refers to one's birth family. Experiences with our birth families during the formative years have lasting effects on our capacity to form and maintain healthy relationships. The difficulties we experience in our adult relationships can often only be resolved by identifying and healing the wounds we suffered in our family of origin. My archived articles on unfinished business and old wounds address this topic.

Individuals who have difficulty with relationship endings are those likely to have the most difficulty dealing with closure.
The hardest part is just letting go. According to Jon Kabat-Zinn. "Letting go means just what it says. It's an invitation to cease clinging to anything to -- whether an idea, a thing, any event, a particular time or view or desire."

In order to experience closure, a person must be willing to experience all the emotions (fear, hurt, sadness, anger, etc.) that are associated with the termination of the relationship.

NeglectNeglect occurs when you or your partner ignore the other person's needs, feelings and wishes. Neglecting someone is the ultimate expression of anger, a way of punishing the other by withholding,...(Click for full definition.) is a passive form of abuse in which the perpetrator is responsible to provide care for a victim who is unable to care for oneself, but fails to provide adequate care to meet the victim's needs, thereby resulting in the victim's demise.

NeglectNeglect is a passive form of abuse in which the perpetrator is responsible to provide care for a victim who is unable to care for oneself, but fails to provide adequate care to meet the victim's...(Click for full definition.) may include failing to provide sufficient supervision, nourishment, medical care or other needs for which the victim is helpless to provide for him/her/itself. The victim may be a child, physically or mentally disabled adult, animal, plant, or inanimate object.

Physical abuse is abuse involving contact intended to cause feelings of intimidation, injury, or other physical suffering or bodily harm. If physical abuse exists in your relationship, seek professional help at once.

Sexual abuseSexual abuse, also referred to as molestation, is the forcing of undesired sexual behavior by one person upon another. When that force is immediate, of short duration, or infrequent, it is called...(Click for full definition.), also referred to as molestation, is the forcing of undesired sexual behavior by one person upon another. When that force is immediate, of short duration, or infrequent, it is called sexual assault. The offender is referred to as a sexual abuser or (often pejoratively) molester. The term also covers any behavior by any adult towards a child to stimulate either the adult or child sexually. When the victim is younger than the age of consent, it is referred to as child sexual abuse

In any family, each sibling, and each relationship that siblings have, is unique, important, and special. Brothers and sisters influence each other and play important roles in each other's lives. Indeed, sibling relationships make up a child's first social network and are the basis for his or her interactions with people outside the family (Powell & Ogle, 1985). Brothers and sisters are playmates first; as they mature, they take on new roles with each other. They may, over the years, be many things to each other -- teacher, friend, companion, follower, protector, enemy, competitor, confidant, role model. When this relationship is affected by a sibling's disability or chronic illness, the long-term benefits of the relationship may be altered (Crnic & Leconte, 1986). For example, a child with a disability may have limited opportunities to interact with other children outside the family; thus, social interaction between siblings often takes on increasing importance for the disabled sibling and may cause excessive burden to the non-disabled child.

Substance abuse, also known as drug abuse, refers to a maladaptive pattern of use of a substance that is not considered dependent. The term "drug abuse" does not exclude dependency, but is otherwise used in a similar manner in non-medical contexts. The terms have a huge range of definitions related to taking a psychoactive drug or performance enhancing drug for a non-therapeutic or non-medical effect. All of these definitions imply a negative judgment of the drug use in question (compare with the term responsible drug use for alternative views). Some of the drugs most often associated with this term include alcohol, amphetamines, barbiturates, benzodiazepines, cocaine, methaqualone, and opioids. Use of these drugs may lead to criminal penalty in addition to possible physical, social, and psychological harm, both strongly depending on local jurisdiction. Other definitions of drug abuse fall into four main categories: public health definitions, mass communication and vernacular usage, medical definitions, and political and criminal justice definitions.

Worldwide, the UN estimates there are more than 50 million regular users of heroin, cocaine and synthetic drugs.

Substance abuse is a form of substance-related disorder.

Verbal abuseVerbal abuse (also called reviling) is a form of abusive behavior involving the use of language. It is a form of profanity that can occur with or without the use of expletives. While oral...(Click for full definition.) (also called reviling) is a form of abusive behavior involving the use of language. It is a form of profanity that can occur with or without the use of expletives. While oral communication is its most common form, verbal abuse may be expressed in the form of written word as well.

Verbal abuse is a pattern of behavior that can seriously interfere with a person's healthy emotional development. Regular exposure leads to significant detriment of a person's self-esteem, emotional well-being, and physical state.

Verbal abuse is best described as an ongoing emotional environment organized by the abuser for the purposes of control. The underlying factor in the dynamic of verbal abuse is the abuser

An addiction to any substance is defined as substance abuse. Some theorists believe that addictive tendencies are genetically transmitted. In any case, self-medicating to dull or numb painful feelings are at the heart of addiction. Journaling, sharing feelings, and healing early wounds, help soften feelings and ease the need for self-administered anesthesia. When dealing with substance abuse both the user and the partner of the user should seek help through AA Al-Anon or NA are excellent organizations.

Excessive angerExcessive anger often leads to out of control verbal and physical expressions. Oftentimes a person will be excessively angry because he/she was mistreated in childhood. Healing these wounds will...(Click for full definition.) often leads to out of control verbal and physical expressions. Oftentimes a person will be excessively angry because he/she was mistreated in childhood. Healing these wounds will help ease the level of anger. In other cases, excessive anger was modeled during childhood by a parent who was an anger addict. Anger management therapy is helpful in such cases.

ImmaturityImmaturity refers to developmental arrest during childhood. Many adults continue to exhibit childhood behaviors. For example, if a person learned to get attention by throwing a tantrum, he/she may...(Click for full definition.) refers to developmental arrest during childhood. Many adults continue to exhibit childhood behaviors. For example, if a person learned to get attention by throwing a tantrum, he/she may yell and throw things in order to get his/ her partner to respond to him. Therapy is generally needed to resolve these impasses.

The condition of being improper, synonymous also with: improperness, impropriety, unbecomingness, unfitness, unseemliness, unsuitability, unsuitableness. Inappropriate actions are those that are not in keeping with the surrounding social circumstances or an out of proportion in reaction to a stimuli. For an obvious example, in most cases, wearing a clown costume to a funeral would be considered inappropriate in our culture, while it would also be inappropriate for the crowd to chase down and lynch the offender for doing so. The term is frequently used today regarding both verbal and physical sexual advances towards another, especially children and women. In these cases the inappropriate behavior becomes abusive. Extreme inappropriate behavior can be a sign of intoxication, mental illness, or personality disorders.

IrresponsibilityIrresponsibility is a behavioral trait causing one to act without a proper sense of responsibility; acting without giving proper weight to one's responsibilities. Irresponsible behavior is generally...(Click for full definition.) is a behavioral trait causing one to act without a proper sense of responsibility; acting without giving proper weight to one's responsibilities. Irresponsible behavior is generally caused by having been overly controlled as a child, which leads to rebellious, irresponsible behavior in adulthood or excessive lenience in childhood, which results in a lack of responsibility as an adult. Therapy is generally needed to resolve this level of emotional arrest.

Self-esteem is a term used in psychology to reflect a person's overall evaluation or appraisal of his or her own worth. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs (for example, "I am competent" or "I am incompetent") and emotions such as triumph, despair, pride and shame. A person's self-esteem may be reflected in their behavior, such as in assertiveness, shyness, confidence or caution. Self-esteem can apply specifically to a particular dimension (for example, "I believe I am a good writer, and feel proud of that in particular") or have global extent (for example, "I believe I am a good person, and feel proud of myself in general").
Psychologists usually regard self-esteem as an enduring personality characteristic ("trait" self-esteem), though normal, short-term variations ("state" self-esteem) also exist.

Synonyms or near-synonyms of self-esteem include: self-worth, self-regard, self-respect self-love (which can express overtones of self-promotion), and self-integrity. Self-esteem is distinct from self-confidence and self-efficacy, which involve beliefs about ability and future performance.

Symptoms of low self-esteem include:

Feeling down on yourself
Feeling overwhelmed by the pace of life;
Feeling like a failure relative to everyone else;
Constantly doubting if you can achieve anything;
Playing it safe, not trying anything new;
Behaving timidly and not asserting yourself;
Overly depending on others to look after you;
Escaping unpleasant realities;
Putting little effort into things because you doubt you can be successful;
Putting yourself down constantly;
Not liking your looks - thinking you're too fat, too slim, too short, etc.
Feeling angry and getting even
Losing your temper at the drop of a hat;
Being quick to pick a fight;
Blaming others or circumstances for setbacks;
Constantly finding fault with the world;
Being negative - nothing is good, everything is horrible;
Taking pleasure in stories about the troubles of others;
Taking things out on others;
Constantly arguing about petty issuesIssues, in the words of the Serenity Prayer, are things you can change, either by making different personal choices and/or by finding ways to work with your partner more effectively.
Being both down and angry

We mistakenly compare how we feel with how others behave.Inevitably, most others will behave more happily than we feel.
So we conclude that no one else could feel as bad as we do. This creates a vicious circle and our self-esteem drops further.
Dwelling on the negative is like cancer. It grows and gets worse. It's pretty hard to force yourself just to think differently when you feel so negative.

Causes of Low Self Esteem:
Too much criticism hurts self esteem
Not enough positive feedback can cause low self-esteem.
Poor appreciation of strengths, taking your strengths for granted because they come easy to you.
Not celebrating success at work; focusing on mistakes instead.
Constantly criticizing yourself.
Too much introspection, soul searching, not enough interaction with the real world, withdrawal.

A lie (also called prevarication, falsehood) is a known untruth expressed as truth.

A lie is a type of deception in the form of an untruthful statement, especially with the intention to deceive others, often with the further intention to maintain a secret or reputation, protect someone's feelings or to avoid a punishment or repercussion for one's actions. To lie is to state something that one knows to be false or that one does not honestly believe to be true with the intention that a person will take it for the truth. A liar is a person who is lyingA lie (also called prevarication, falsehood) is a known untruth expressed as truth. A lie is a type of deception in the form of an untruthful statement, especially with the intention to deceive...(Click for full definition.), who has previously lied, or who tends by nature to lie repeatedly - even when not necessary.

Lying is typically used to refer to deceptions in oral or written communication. Other forms of deception, such as disguises or forgeries, are generally not considered lies, though the underlying intent may be the same. However, even a true statement can be used to deceive. In this situation, it is the intent of being overall untruthful rather than the truthfulness of any individual statement that is considered the lie.

Serious lies (such as perjury, fraud, and defamation) are punishable by law.

PessimismPessimism, from the Latin pessimus (worst), is a state of mind, which negatively colors the perception of life. Value judgments may vary dramatically between individuals, even when judgments of fact...(Click for full definition.), from the Latin pessimus (worst), is a state of mind, which negatively colors the perception of life. Value judgments may vary dramatically between individuals, even when judgments of fact are undisputed. The most common example of this phenomenon is the "Is the glass half empty or half full?" situation. The degree to which situations like these are evaluated as something good or something bad can be described in terms of one's optimism or pessimism respectively. Throughout history, the pessimistic disposition has had effects on all major areas of thinking.
Pessimism is often a symptom of depressionA psychiatric disorder characterized by an inability to concentrate, insomnia, loss of appetite, anhedonia (chronic inability to perceive pleasure), feelings of extreme sadness, guilt, helplessness...(Click for full definition.).

Repetition compulsion is the unconsciously driven compulsion to repeat the wounds of childhood in the hope of finally healing. We repeat what we lived as kids partly because it's familiar and partly because we all want to recreate the wounds of the past (not because we're masochists or gluttons for punishment) because we yearn for a happy ending this time around. Here's how this plays out.

Let's say you had a dad who hurt you. You will choose a boyfriend who has the same character make up as the parent who let you down. Choosing a boyfriend who is similar to the parent gives the illusion of going home again. Now the stage is set to recreate the pain of the past and in no time you are suffering just the way you did as a kid.
Now you set out to make it work. You try to be good and loving hoping that you will be rewarded this time around will better treatment than you received as a kid.

Sadly, the repetition compulsion never yields a happy ending precisely because we choose partners who are damaged goods--people who can't give any more or better than our parents did. See my archived articles for more information on this topic and how to break free.

We all have the fear of being rejected by others to some degree: this is a normal and healthy human concern as we are highly social animals that need others of our kind to survive. However, this fear can become extreme, unhealthy, and pathological, to the point that it no longer really acts in one's self-interest or the interest of others, but is devaluing and degrades your relationships with others. Fear of rejectionWe all have the fear of being rejected by others to some degree: this is a normal and healthy human concern as we are highly social animals that need others of our kind to survive. However, this fear...(Click for full definition.) is at the root of many relationship problems from one end of the spectrum to the other, from extreme jealousyTo resolve jealousy, one must identify the emotional issues that trigger it. Jealousy can be defined as the fear of being replaced by another. In other words, jealousy is really the fear of...(Click for full definition.), anger, and acting out, to extreme withdrawal, acquiescence to an abuser, and denial of one's own basic needs. See also: Low Self-Esteem.

When one's normal human sexual interest and activities are not functioning properly. It was once considered that sexual dysfunctions have their root in the psyche which then manifests itself outwardly. However, medical causes are now being considered as playing a role, as in erectile dysfunction. There are many classes of dysfunction, including both male and female "frigidity" or performance disorders, hyperactive sexual disorders, aversion disorders, exhibitionism, fetishism, masochism, sadism, and pedophelia and child abuse, and more. When sexual dysfunctions are at the root of a relationship problem they can be very embarrassing and painful to deal with for both partners. It is important for the other partner not to blame themselves and for the partner with the dysfunction to feel safe to talk about it and seek treatment.

Unfinished business refers to a childhood wound. We all tend to recreate the unfinished business of childhood in our adult relationships in an attempt to heal the original wounds. My archived articles discuss how to break free of this pattern.