Latest Columns
March 9, 2010
I am so sorry to hear what you've been through. What a violation! This best friend truly sabotaged your relationship.
You have asked me to tell you whether you should continue with Vera. I cannot tell you what to do. That's not my role. But what I can do is help you clarify what you want for yourself and then help you try to achieve that goal.
First let me say that you sound very conflicted. The reason you want me to tell you what to do is because you yearn to be released from this...
March 9, 2010
What a painful situation you're in! I understand the bind you're both in. You were jealous in the past, which naturally led him to be a bit sneaky this time around, in order to not trigger further jealousy. He engaged in avoidant behavior and, guess what. Like all defense mechanism, his avoidance backfired. He aroused your jealousy and suspicions even more. Now, you're clamping down on him and this entire fiasco is rapidly turning into a power struggle. The problem is the more you tell him that...
March 9, 2010
First of all let me say that the last sentence in your question is the key to the entire problem. You said, "I'm just wondering if he'll ever come around and find me worth popping the question." Do you hear what's wrong with this sentence? You are inserting your own ego and taking his reticence personally; as a sign that he doesn't love you enough. When you think this way, you become the walking wounded. All your communications to him emanate from this distorted and hurt perspective.
To...
February 24, 2010
Dear Dazed & Confused,
I hear that you are receiving mixed signals and that you are being driven mad. In the end, no one but she knows what's going on in her mind.
She sounds conflicted about getting involved. She gives you a green light and then backs off. If you notice, each time you come in close, she pulls back. But when you pull back as was the case when you had three days without contact, then she reaches out to you.
She sounds very conflicted about getting...


